It's Better This Way Read online

  Determined this would be the last time, Carrie took out extra money and handed it to Justin.

  “Next time,” he promised.

  She’d heard that before. Rather than stew about it, Carrie was determined to enjoy this special treat. Within a few minutes, Justin was back with two plates heaped high with their orders and large sodas. He pulled out the bench and sat down.

  Savoring their food, they were silent for several minutes.

  “Been missing you,” Justin said after he’d wolfed down his chili dog.

  Carrie found it hard to believe and let the comment slide. He hadn’t called since her move into The Heritage. Hadn’t even sent a text. She was the one who’d asked him about biking this afternoon.

  “So, what’s it like living in that hoity-toity condo, rubbing elbows with all those rich folks?”

  Again, she preferred to ignore the comment. “It’s great having my own space. You should try it sometime.” It was a small dig that seemed to go over his head.

  “Naw,” he countered. “Mom needs me.”

  “I think it might be the other way around. You need your mom.”

  He shrugged. “I’m not complaining. She does the laundry, cooks the meals, and pays for my health insurance. I’ve got it good.”

  Yup, Justin was much too comfortable to make the transition to becoming a full-fledged adult. It wasn’t a stretch to realize he wasn’t likely to move out on his own anytime soon.

  “Did I mention my cousin Hillary is engaged?” Carrie said, changing the subject.

  Justin set his drink down, and his eyes rounded. She had the feeling that if he’d still been eating, he would have choked on his chili dog. “Hey, Carrie, this isn’t a hint, is it, because you know—”

  “Stop.” She held up her hand before he stuck his foot in his mouth any farther. “No way am I suggesting anything of the sort. I’m sharing news, not making any implications regarding the two of us.”

  No way.

  She wouldn’t say it out loud, for fear it would damage his fragile ego. Justin would be at the bottom of the barrel when it came to her choice for a husband. If lunch was any indication, she would end up supporting him.

  “I mean,” he said, smiling now that any implied pressure was off, “you’re the full meal deal, Carrie. Any guy would be lucky to have you. That said, I wouldn’t be opposed to us moving in together.”

  “Are you kidding me? That’s not happening.”

  This wasn’t the first time he’d casually tossed out the idea. One Carrie would never consider. First off, if he assumed once they shared an apartment, she’d sleep with him, then he was delusional. They would be strictly roommates.

  As far as any living situation with Justin was concerned, she could read the handwriting on the wall. He’d move in, and before long she’d be forced to pay his share of the rent.

  “Hey,” he joked, “I was serious.”

  “So was I.”

  He laughed in good-natured humor. “This is what I like best about you, Carrie. You’re a straight shooter.”

  * * *

  —

  Following lunch, Carrie and Justin went their separate ways. Carrie returned to her parents’ house to store her bicycle and helmet.

  Seeing that she was back, her mother joined her in the garage. “Did you have a good time?”

  Justin was fun, and she could count on laughing with him. “I did,” she admitted, although reluctantly.

  Her mother cocked her head. “Really?” she asked. “You sound hesitant.”

  Carrie stored her helmet in the container where her mother had packed it. “I don’t think I’m going to do much with Justin after today.”

  “Why’s that?” The same look of surprise was back. “You always seem to enjoy time with him.”

  “I do, that’s the thing. Justin’s fun and good company. He’s easy to be around.”

  “What changed?”

  Carrie followed her mother into the house, and her mother opened the refrigerator and brought out a pitcher of iced tea. She poured them each a tall glass.

  “It’s more who changed,” Carrie admitted, after giving the question some thought. Leaning her hip against the kitchen counter, she paused, gathering her thoughts, finding it difficult to explain her feelings to her mother, let alone herself.

  “Don’t get me wrong,” she said finally. “I like Justin. I always have. Like I said, he’s fun. The thing is, he’s one of those guys who will probably never grow up.”

  Her mother smiled. “You mean like Peter Pan?”

  Carrie nodded. “Exactly like Peter Pan,” she agreed. “It never concerned me before. For whatever reason, it did today.” The contrast between Justin and Eric was profound, especially their work ethic. “When I left Green Lake, I realized it was time to move on. He’s a friend, and we most likely will see each other now and again through mutual friends.” No longer would Carrie seek him out, though.

  As her grandfather used to say: It’s better this way.

  * * *

  —

  With her thoughts full of Justin and her decision, Carrie returned to The Heritage. Her decision really was for the better. She knew without a doubt that after three or four excuses why they couldn’t get together, Justin would likely shrug and move on. They’d never been exclusive. She was aware of at least two other women he saw, and they, too, seemed willing to pay for his chili dog or whatever.

  Soon after Carrie took the position as concierge, she discovered the roof of The Heritage. It was lovely up there, with potted plants decorating the corners. Someone had put up a few lounge chairs, which invited her to sit and enjoy the evening.

  The view was spellbinding, especially at night. A cool breeze blew off the waters of the Sound as the clatter of the street noise echoed far below. Every so often a siren would scream, announcing another emergency, followed by a stillness that reminded her how far removed she was from the chaos.

  Being in a thoughtful mood, she decided to head up with a glass of wine, unwind from her day, and let go of the past and look instead to the future. Carrie was happy for Hillary, although she had to wonder if she was ever going to meet “the one.”

  Nestled in the chair, dusk settled over the waters of Puget Sound and a few stars blinked in the darkening sky. Sipping the wine, she relaxed and felt the tightness ease from between her shoulders. Time on the rooftop had the ability to do that.

  The creak came from behind her as the door to the rooftop opened and she realized she was no longer alone.

  “Oh.”

  Whoever had joined her seemed as surprised to find her as she was to have her space invaded. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw it was Eric Hudson.

  “Eric,” she said, pleased to see him outside of his condo.

  He stood next to the lounge chair with his hands stuffed in his pockets, looking as if he wasn’t sure what to do. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.”

  “You didn’t.” She patted the chair beside her. “Join me.”

  He hesitated, as if he wasn’t sure this was a good idea.

  “I don’t bite,” she assured him, with a welcoming smile.

  “You didn’t bring me dinner this evening,” he mentioned as he took a seat.

  He’d noticed, which pleased her. “I was off today and out with a friend.” The less said about Justin, the better. “Did you miss seeing me?” she asked, jokingly.

  “If I did, I wouldn’t admit it,” he said as he claimed the seat next to her and stretched out his legs.

  “Ah, come on, Eric, admit it. You look forward to my visits.”

  “I admit to nothing,” he said.

  She noticed he was smiling, and she couldn’t contain a smile of her own. “I’d offer you a glass of wine, but I only have the one.”

  “Thanks anyway.”

  “It’s good to see you outside of your condo.”

  “Yeah. I come up here most every night that the weather permits. It frees me…if that makes any sense.”

  Carrie understood perfectly. “It does. It’s like I can breathe in what’s good and exhale the frustrations of the day.”

  “Exactly,” he murmured.

  “It’s surprising we haven’t bumped into each other before now.”

  “You come up here often?”

  Carrie wasn’t sure what to make of the question. She feared he was hinting that he hoped this was a one-off. Then, too, it could simply be a question. “Every now and again. Would you rather I didn’t?”

  “Not at all. It’s kind of nice catching you here. Working from home, I don’t often have human contact—well, other than over my computer screen.”

  Carrie had wondered about that. Once Eric started to relax, she found him to be good company. He explained that he owned his own business, how he was the tech support for a number of small companies around the country. He’d started out with computer support for one business, but as his reputation grew, he added more employees and other staff, all who worked remotely. Carrie couldn’t help being impressed. He was an entrepreneur. He then explained that the company had grown fast and demanded more and more of his time, causing stress to mount as he struggled to meet those demands. No wonder he visited the rooftop.

  He paused when he seemed to realize he’d been doing all the talking. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to go on like that.”

  “No, really, I’m interested.”

  “I should go.” He looked ready to leap off the lounge chair.

  “Please don’t,” she pleaded, and she meant it.

  “I need to get back to work,” he insisted, as he stood.

  “You know, there’s more to life than work,” she said, hoping that would convince him to stay.

  He stared at her for a long moment, seemingly at a loss for words. When he finally spoke it was as if he couldn’t say what he wanted fast enough.

  “I’m a geek, Carrie. I don’t know how to do relationships. I have a lot of acquaintances and only one real friend. I don’t date…don’t know how to date. I like you, and that makes me uncomfortable, because sooner or later you’re going to discover I’m boring. I’m far more comfortable behind a computer than with people, especially women.” He paused, exhaled, and added, “Especially beautiful women, so if you’re looking to me like I’m some romantic hero, I’ll be a sorry disappointment.”

  With that, he fled as if the roof had caught on fire.

  It felt as if all the air had escaped from the roof when he left. After a moment, Carrie leaned back and sipped her wine. Eric thought she was beautiful. He might not think he had a romantic bone in his body, but he was wrong. So wrong.

  Chapter 9

  Julia woke from a bad dream and sat upright in bed, breathing hard. The nightmare had been vivid. In her dream, she’d been sobbing, heartbroken, when Heath announced he could no longer see her. His explanation was vague, and she tried to reason with him, unable to understand what had gone so dreadfully wrong. He repeatedly mentioned how sorry he was, and then before she could stop him, he walked out the door. She’d been crushed and brokenhearted, hardly able to absorb what had happened or why.

  The deep sense of loss, the crippling emotion, was the same as the day she’d signed the divorce papers that ended her marriage.

  Nonsensical as it seemed, ever since she’d started routinely dating Heath, she’d been waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop. He was everything she had hoped to find in a companion. It had been years since she’d laughed as much and as hard as she did with Heath. And his kisses. Wow. He stirred a part of her she had long considered dried up and dead, like a sun-wilted flower.

  A couple nights earlier, he’d cooked her dinner and they’d shared a bottle of wine. The evening had been perfect. Overwhelmed by how wonderful their time together had been, she’d been far too keyed up to sleep. She was falling for Heath, and she was falling hard. How hard frightened her. Her fear was that anything this good would never last, and that had been the crux of her nightmare.

  Heath was perfect for her. They’d both come through their divorces and survived their partners’ infidelity. Like Julia, he didn’t hash over the details of his divorce or trash-talk his ex-wife. She appreciated his determination to put all the unpleasantness of a dead marriage behind him. For her own part, Julia had mentioned Eddie only the one time, shortly after Hillary announced her engagement. They both seemed eager to let go of the past and look forward with happy expectation and hope.

  Awake now, Julia dressed for her workout, although the dream hung on. It helped knowing she’d soon be with Heath. She needed the reassurance after that dreadful dream.

  Like always, he was in the exercise room ahead of her. She’d long since given up bringing her earbuds. The music helped pass the time, or had before her friendship with Heath had blossomed. These days, they chatted, spurring and encouraging each other on to better times and distances. Once finished, they met for coffee at the Busy Bean, forming a new habit before returning to their individual schedules and wherever the day would take them.

  Two or three times a week, Heath went into his downtown office, and Julia did as well. She continued as a consultant, working about twenty hours a week, although she arrived later than before, having adjusted her schedule to accommodate coffee time with Heath. Mornings with him were the best part of her day.

  On the afternoons when they were both free, they’d taken to touring local wineries, sampling Washington State wines and the tasting rooms all around the Seattle area. They often stopped for appetizers on the way home, letting the wine settle before getting back on the road.

  For the last couple days, Heath had plans with a visiting college friend. The only time they were able to share was in the mornings before Heath left to meet his friend. She missed him, and strongly suspected his absence had been what had prompted her dream.

  “Morning,” Heath greeted warmly, when she joined him.

  “Morning,” she answered, responding to his smile.

  “Did you sleep well?” He frowned a little, as if he guessed something had upset her. That he would detect anything after such a short acquaintance surprised her.

  Heath didn’t only look at her. He saw her.

  She shook her head. “I was good until a nightmare woke me.”

  He arched his brows, confirming that he’d sensed she was troubled. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  She didn’t, preferring to put the dream behind her. Stepping onto the treadmill, she shook her head. She started her fast-paced walk, and he sat on the bike, pedaling at a relaxed speed, all the while keeping an eye on her.

  Julia felt his scrutiny. Glancing at him, she had to wonder. “Can I ask you a silly question?”

  “Of course.”

  “Do you sometimes think us finding each other is—”

  “The best thing to happen since man walked on the moon?” he completed for her, grinning broadly.

  She smiled back. “Well there’s that. But doesn’t it feel a little too perfect?”

  “How do you mean?”

  “Well, for one thing, we both had basically given up on relationships.”

  “With cause,” he reminded her.

  “With cause,” she agreed. “We even share similar backgrounds. Your wife left you for another man, and my husband fell in love with another woman. We were each the innocent party.”

  “I can’t speak for you; however, I accept at least part of the blame for Lee leaving me. We’d drifted apart. I knew it, only I didn’t take it seriously. I was content and didn’t take into consideration that Lee wasn’t.”

  Julia admired his willingness to see his own part in the breakup of the marriage. It hadn’t been like that for her.

  “I loved my husband. I did everything I could to save my marriage. I was determined to do whatever it took to get my husband back. If the divorce went through, I wanted the reassurance I had done everything humanly possible to save what we had together. Only…only…” She paused, as the familiar pain struck her like a kick in the solar plexus.

  “It doesn’t do any good to look back now,” she continued, after composing herself. “I did what I could, and when it didn’t work out, I knew I had to let go and move forward.” She remembered the good-bye letter she’d written as closure, and how that had helped her to look to the future without the regrets of the past.

  Heath had stopped bicycling and was closely studying her. “Can you tell me what any of this has to do with the two of us?”

  Explaining it would seem ridiculous. “It’s like I said. Our relationship has come together so easily. So perfectly.” Her biggest fear was that something was about to happen that would drive them apart. This giddy happiness wouldn’t last. It couldn’t. Before either of them were ready, it would come to an end.

  Heath considered her words. “It’s hard to believe you were close all these months and it took until now to find each other.”

  “I feel the same.”

  “You should know, Julia, I’m crazy about you. These last couple days with Steve, my buddy from college, have been great. We had a good time reminiscing and catching up. And yet, it felt as if a part of me was missing because I couldn’t be with you.”

  Julia’s heart felt as if it was going to melt at his words. “I feel the same about you. I’m afraid, Heath. Afraid everything is coming together too quickly.”

  “Does this have anything to do with your dream?”

  Reluctantly, she nodded.

  “Tell me about it,” he said, “and then let us reason it out together.”

  “Okay. The condensed version goes like this: We were together and ecstatically happy, then something happened. Don’t ask me what, because I don’t know. What killed me was watching you walk away. I was left sobbing and heartbroken.”