Silver Linings Read online

  His face broke into a huge smile. “Perfect. What color is your dress? I want to be sure the corsage will match.”

  Flowers? Dress? She hadn’t given the matter of the dance, let alone a dress, more than a wayward thought.

  From that time forward, Coco’s world had gone into a whirlwind of activity and excitement. Ryan Temple had asked her to Homecoming. She was going to be his date! The entire school knew Ryan had asked her. It was as if it’d been announced over the school intercom.

  By the time Homecoming rolled around, Coco swore there was less fuss made over a royal wedding. The week preceding the dance had been crazy. Though she wanted to find something secondhand and fix it up, her mother insisted that Coco buy a new dress, and so they had begun a shopping expedition to find the perfect one, along with shoes and other accessories. She had her hair and nails styled at the priciest salon in Cedar Cove. Her mother said Coco looked positively stunning. Her father took pictures.

  The night of the dance, when Ryan came to pick her up in his father’s car, it felt like something out of a fairy tale. He’d talked to her parents for a few minutes until she appeared. When Coco stepped into the room, he slowly came to his feet as if she were an angel who’d made a visitation to earth. Her beauty left him speechless, or at least that was the impression he wanted to make, and naturally she fell for it.

  On the ride to the dance Ryan repeatedly told her how beautiful she looked and how it was hard for him to take his eyes off her to drive. Oh, how foolish she’d been. Once they arrived they danced to every song. Just as she expected, Ryan was named Homecoming king, but he wouldn’t hear of her dancing with anyone but him. She was the entire focus of his attention. He acted as if he’d fallen head over heels in love with her.

  After the dance, Ryan suggested they drive around for a while and she’d agreed. Most every other couple she knew were going to one of the after-parties. For her part Coco was caught in this magical fantasy, and if Ryan wanted to spend time alone with her, then that was what she wanted, too. Her head swam with joy.

  After a short while, Ryan parked the car in a dark area that overlooked the cove. Lights from the navy shipyard sparkled in the distance. It was romantic and perfect in every way. It grew even more wonderful when Ryan kissed her.

  Eagerly, Coco came into his arms, loving the taste and the feel of him. She didn’t know how long they kissed before he groped for the zipper at the back of her dress and lowered it enough to gain access to her breasts. Coco wasn’t completely naïve and she knew matters were advancing far too quickly. She broke off the kiss and drew in several breaths in the hope of clearing her head before things grew any more serious.

  Ryan paused. But then he brought his mouth back to hers, seducing her with his tongue, whispering how much he loved and needed her, until her head was swimming. This was his night. He’d been crowned king and she was his queen. His beautiful queen. When he started fondling her breasts she let him. It felt so right and so good, and the endearments he whispered were as heady as any aphrodisiac. A little while later he slid his hand up her dress. Again, she stopped him, only it was far more difficult this time. She liked what he did to her, enjoyed this sensation of feeling desirable. Oh, how he wanted her. He was desperate for her, he claimed, his need so great that he was in pain.

  “Ryan,” she whispered, having trouble speaking. She drew in deep breaths in a valiant effort to end the lovemaking while she could. She held on to his wrist. “This is our first date…I think we should stop.”

  “Okay,” he whispered, kissing her again. “Anything you say.”

  His hands continued to work their magic, and as much as she wanted him to stop, she couldn’t make herself say the words. It was all so new and wonderful. She had some experience, but nothing like this.

  Coco had been a full participant of what happened next. He’d been gentle with her, and while they’d made love in the backseat of his father’s Mercedes, it hadn’t felt cheap or demeaning. He’d held and kissed her afterward and thanked her for giving herself to him, for letting him be the first.

  Later, once she was home, Coco hadn’t been able to sleep. She was blissfully in love, floating on a dream, rationalizing what had happened. Losing one’s virginity was a rite of passage, and a lot of the girls in her class had already given up their V-card. Ryan had made it as perfect as possible, and she loved him with all her heart. He’d made her feel like a queen just the way he claimed she was.

  Sunday in church she felt the first stirrings of regret, but she managed to convince herself that once she talked to Ryan any unease she felt would go away.

  She waited all day for him to call. When she hadn’t heard from him by late afternoon, she sent him a text, but he didn’t reply. He was busy…she was sure she remembered him saying something about being with his grandparents or his aunt or something and that he would be out of touch. He had said that, hadn’t he?

  Coco was busy herself, chatting with friends, reliving every minute of the dance, explaining that it’d been the most romantic night of her life. The big question she got was where she and Ryan had disappeared to following the dance. They’d received any number of invitations to parties and hadn’t made a showing at a single one. Coco was able to sidestep the questions, although she wished she had discussed with Ryan how best to answer. What happened with them was private and beautiful and something she didn’t want spread around school.

  Monday morning, she waited for him in the school parking lot. She felt a deep sense of relief when she saw him. He was with three of his friends. They laughed when they saw her.

  Laughed.

  Ryan gave a high five to each one as they strolled past her as if she were invisible.

  “Ryan?” she called, and raced after him. He ignored her completely. It was as if he hadn’t heard or seen her. And so she tried again. “Ryan.” She stood directly in front of him so that the only way to get around was to sidestep her.

  “What?” he demanded.

  Coco swallowed hard and didn’t know what to say. “I waited for you.”

  “So?”

  “I thought…”

  “I’ve got class,” he said, and left her standing on the steps leading up to the school, numb with shock and disbelief.

  Only later did she learn the awful truth. Having sex with her had been a bet, a challenge. She’d been known as a “good girl,” and when Ryan had boasted that he could have sex with any girl he wanted, his friends had dared him to try to get her in bed. All it took was a bit of attention and one date.

  Ryan and his sick friends acted as if they’d conquered Rome. Within a matter of minutes, Coco was convinced the entire school had heard about Ryan’s game. He’d claimed he could have any girl he wanted and he’d proved it with her. Any girl—and Coco had been an easy conquest. Next time, he bragged, he’d look for a real challenge.

  As soon as she learned the truth, Coco went home and didn’t return to school for nearly a week. It was easy enough to convince her mother she had the flu, seeing that it wasn’t far from the truth. She was sick to her stomach and even sicker at heart, spending her time in bed, unable to face her friends.

  In the ten years since, the humiliation of what Ryan had done had never completely left her.

  While she was home she heard that someone had slashed Ryan’s tires. Suspicion quickly fell on her, though, needless to say, such a thing would never have even occurred to her. Coco never learned who was responsible, though whoever did it was a hero in her eyes.

  When word got out that Ryan had slept with Coco, her friends had been sympathetic, but none more than Katie. Although a new friend, Katie had stopped by the house every afternoon with a list of homework assignments from Coco’s classes. Katie didn’t mention Coco’s humiliation. She’d been kind and thoughtful and gentle.

  The girls in drill team were less so. They said Ryan was a pig, but Coco knew that if he were to ask any of them out, they’d leap at the chance the same way she had.

  Retur
ning to school took courage. But at some point, hiding away in her bedroom and licking her wounds was no longer an option. The only way she could think to deal with Ryan and his friends or anyone else who brought up the subject was to pretend what he’d done didn’t matter. And so she showed complete indifference to him and shrugged it off as no big deal. Who was to say she wasn’t a virgin, anyway? Ryan could claim what he wanted, but no one would ever know for sure.

  Thankfully, her ruse seemed to work, and by the time another full week had passed, Ryan’s little challenge was old news. The gossipmongers had found fresh fodder. The holidays were fast approaching and Coco kept herself busy with school and family. Then her parents, whom she’d never confided in, suggested she invite Ryan over for Thanksgiving dinner.

  “No.” She nearly screamed at the idea. Her parents were baffled. It was embarrassing enough that nearly the entire school was in on the joke. She couldn’t bear it if her family found out.

  “I thought you liked him?” Her mother appeared surprised.

  “He was such a polite young man,” her father insisted. “I’d like to see more of him. From what I understand, he’s got a bright future as an athlete.”

  Coco wanted to scream that Ryan was nothing like they believed. Not only had he fooled her, but he’d managed to deceive her parents as well. “We’ve both moved on,” she said, hoping it would satisfy her parents, and luckily it did.

  As time progressed, Coco’s friendship with Katie grew. For the rest of the school year Coco avoided her old friends, shunning their invitations. She dropped out of drill team and kept mostly to herself.

  After graduation Coco got a summer job at the same fast-food restaurant where Katie worked. A couple times friends of Ryan’s came in. Without Coco ever asking, Katie stepped in to take their orders so Coco didn’t have to.

  As difficult as it was, Coco put high school behind her. But not Ryan. Her humiliation had festered and grown into such an intense dislike that she now relished the thought of confronting him at their reunion.

  “Coco?”

  Katie’s knock against the door of her room broke into her thoughts. She slid off the bed and pulled open the door.

  “You okay? I knocked a few times. I thought you might have gone to the high school without me.”

  “Sorry…I was thinking…you know, about tonight.” This evening’s party would be her first opportunity to see Ryan again. This was the moment she’d been waiting for for the last ten years and she wasn’t about to let it pass without telling him exactly what a scumbag she thought he was.

  “Do you think Ryan will definitely show?” Katie asked.

  Coco was sure of it. “Of course he will. His ego is much too big to miss the adoration.”

  But adoration was the last thing Coco intended to give Ryan Temple.

  Katie’s attitude toward algebra and James did change, and his attitude toward her did as well. She applied herself, made an effort to understand what he told her, and followed his detailed instructions. Now that the resentment didn’t shimmer off him like the summer sun on concrete, she felt less nervous. Katie remembered the first time she caught on to the concepts James was trying so hard to teach her. Once she had that breakthrough, everything else seemed to fall into place. For whatever reason, she’d convinced herself that she wasn’t any good at math and would never learn. Thankfully, after a few rough spots, James’s patience and encouragement had helped her see the light, and it was bright and beautiful.

  “I get it, I get it.” She beamed with pleasure and turned to smile at James, so excited that it was difficult to remain in her chair.

  He gave her a high five and seemed as happy and excited as Katie was herself.

  At their next session she proudly showed him her test paper. She’d aced it and she had James to thank. She would never have gotten a passing grade if it hadn’t been for him and the hours and hours of work he’d put into tutoring her.

  James’s smile said it all. “See, I knew you could do it.”

  “Thanks.” She sat beside him at their table in the school cafeteria. The afternoon tutoring sessions with James had become her favorite part of the week and she missed him on the days they didn’t meet. They passed in the halls a couple times each day, heading in opposite directions. They had different times for lunch. The only class she could be assured to see him in was Algebra 2.

  “It doesn’t look like you’re going to need a tutor any longer.”

  Immediately her happiness sank straight through the floor. That meant she wouldn’t be seeing James anymore. Unable to hide her disappointment, she lowered her head. His comment explained his good mood, too. After today he would no longer be saddled with her. The sense of loss was instantaneous. She considered him a friend and was starting to have a bit of a crush on him.

  “I guess this is it, then? Our last meeting,” she said, forcing a bit of enthusiasm in her voice. It was all she could do to pretend she couldn’t care less if she saw him again or not.

  “What do you mean?”

  “We won’t be seeing each other again.”

  “What makes you think that?” he asked, frowning.

  “You said…”

  He looked confused. “You don’t need a tutor, but that doesn’t mean…well, unless you’d rather not spend time together.”

  Katie chanced a look at him. “You want to hang out with me?”

  “Yeah, definitely.” He didn’t sound overly sure. “I enjoy being with you.”

  The bubble of joy that burst through her was enough to make her want to cry, which of course she didn’t. That would have embarrassed them both. “You do?”

  “You tried really hard with this stuff, Katie. I know it wasn’t easy for you, but you didn’t give up. The thing is, I would rather be with you than play basketball.”

  Unable to stop herself, she smiled at him. “I’d rather be with you than anyone.”

  James smiled back and then shifted his gaze away from her. “I was thinking,” he said, and hesitated, looking nervous all of a sudden. “Would you like to go to the dance with me on Friday after the game?”

  The numbness started right in the center of her chest at her very core, right at her heart. This feeling of loss and bitter disappointment was what happened every time she learned that she was being transferred to a different foster home. That tingling pain quickly spread out to her arms and legs. Before she could stop herself, she grabbed her books and raced out of the cafeteria so fast she nearly tripped on the steps in her eagerness to escape. When she looked back she saw him standing in the hallway watching her, his eyes wide and sad.

  She didn’t know why him asking her out was so terrifying, given that she liked him. It just triggered every feeling of fear of abandonment she’d ever had. The next time she saw James was at a swimming meet right before winter break. Katie had gotten so flustered she’d lost the race she should have easily won. Afterward she felt terrible about letting her team down and mortified that James had witnessed her defeat. James had waited for her outside the pool, and when she saw him she’d been embarrassed and found herself unable to look at him.

  “Hi,” he’d said, falling into step beside her.

  She pretended not to hear.

  He tried again, louder this time: “Katie, hi.”

  “Hi,” she’d mumbled, still not looking his way. She clutched her gym bag and her books close to her chest and walked as fast as she could without breaking into a run. The cold air hit her face and made her eyes water. All she wanted was for him to leave her alone. She hadn’t seen him since he’d asked her to the dance and she didn’t dare look at him.

  James walked silently by her side until they were halfway through the parking lot. When he did speak, he said, “You’re a good swimmer.”

  She didn’t know how he could say that when she’d performed so poorly. “I lost the race…I let the team down.”

  He matched his steps to her own, his long strides meeting her much shorter ones without a problem. �
��You’ll do better next time.”

  She remembered thinking she’d do better if he promised not to attend the meet. Seeing him had unnerved her more than anything anyone could have said or done.

  “Let me drive you home,” he said.

  “No.”

  “Katie…”

  “Why’d you come?” she blurted out, wanting to blame him for her miserable performance.

  “I wanted to see you swim.”

  “Why?” she demanded again.

  “I already told you.”

  Her grip on her books was so hard the texts painfully bit into her chest. Her hair fell in wet tendrils over her cheeks as she stared down at the rain-soaked pavement.

  “Come on, Katie, I’ll drive you home.”

  She shook her head. “I’d rather walk.”

  “In the rain?”

  She nodded rather than respond verbally.

  “Katie…”

  She swallowed hard, not wanting him to see how unnerved he made her. “Promise me you’ll never come to one of my meets again.”

  “No way.”

  “James, please…just leave me alone.”

  He tucked his hand beneath her chin and lifted her head up so she had no choice but to look at him. A tear slid down her cheek. His gaze followed it and then he leaned down and ever so gently he kissed it away. His lips were warm against her cool skin. Warm and incredibly gentle. Just feeling his lips against her skin caused her to suck in a small wisp of breath.

  Against every dictate of her will, Katie closed her eyes, savoring the feel of his mouth on her face. He kissed her again, only this time his mouth was lower on her cheek, closer to her mouth.

  Unable to stop herself, Katie released a soft sigh of pleasure.

  When his mouth slid from her cheek to her lips, she all but dropped her gym bag and her books to the ground. Her knees felt as if they were about to buckle. His kiss was soft and moist. He was so tender with her that it made her want to weep.

  When he broke it off, Katie leaned her forehead against his chest and his arms came around her. The rain started in earnest then, pounding down on them in a torrent. Neither moved.