Hannah's List Read online

  “We need each other,” she said and meant it. Harvey was her last link to her beloved grandmother. Lotty Roth had adored Macy and her curly red hair and her quirky personality. Macy had always been…different. While other children got involved in sports and music and dance, Macy had been what her grandmother referred to as a free spirit. She’d never had any interest in organized activities, and her artistic abilities were developed on her own. She’d rather stand in front of a painting at a museum or a gallery, absorbing its beauty and skill, than analyze the artist’s techniques in a classroom. She could remember once, in sixth grade, being called upon to answer a history question about the Civil War. She’d stood quietly next to her desk, and the teacher had repeated the question. Macy knew the answer, but she’d been thinking about something else that seemed far more important at the time—her plans to draw one of her cats and how much fun it would be once she got out of class to sit down with Princess and a pencil and pad. When her teacher demanded an answer, Macy started talking about Princess and her antics, and soon everyone was laughing— except Mrs. Moser, who’d sent her to the principal’s office for disrupting the class. As her father used to ruefully say, Macy was a few French fries short of a Happy Meal. Her grandmother had been her one ally when it seemed Macy didn’t have a friend in the world. Grandma Lotty’s home was her refuge. Like Macy, Lotty Roth had possessed an artist’s soul, and that was something they’d had in common. They’d seen the world in a similar way, from their passionate love of animals to their delight in unconventional people and places. When her grandmother died two years earlier, to everyone’s surprise she’d left Macy her house. Macy had loved this old home with its gingerbread trim and immediately painted it yellow with bright red shutters. The white picket fence was still white but only because she’d run out of paint. Harvey frequently complained that the house looked as if someone from Candy Land had moved in next door.

  “You’re gonna be late,” Harvey said now.

  “Guess so,” she said with an exaggerated yawn.

  “Didn’t you just tell me that if you showed up late one more time they wouldn’t use you again?”

  “Yup. That’s what Mr. Sharman said.”

  Harvey closed his eyes and threw back his head. “So when you lose the house, you’ll tell me I should let you live in one of my spare bedrooms.”

  “Could I?” she asked cheerfully.

  “No,” he snapped.

  “All it’ll take to avoid a complete upheaval of your life is a simple promise.”

  “That’s blackmail.”

  “But it’s for your own good.” She glanced pointedly at her watch. “It’d be a real shame to lose this job, not to mention a potential career in radio commercials.”

  “For crying out loud,” Harvey said and slammed down his pen. “All right, I’ll eat some of the casserole.”

  Relieved, Macy grinned, leaped up from the chair and kissed his leathery cheek. “Thank you, Harvey.”

  The old man rubbed the side of his face, as if to wipe away her kiss. He frowned in her direction. Macy, on the other hand, couldn’t have been more delighted.

  “Gotta scoot,” she said as she bounded out the door.

  “See you later.”

  “Don’t hurry back,” he shouted after her.

  Macy grinned. Harvey loved her the same as he had her grandmother. She’d figured out years ago that the louder he fussed, the deeper his affection.

  Home again, Macy grabbed her purse and car keys and hurried outside. If she made every green light, she wouldn’t be more than five minutes late.

  Mr. Sharman might not even notice.

  Chapter Five

  I didn’t call Winter and she didn’t try to reach me again, either. The truth is, I’ve never been much good at this dating thing. When I first met Hannah, she made everything so easy. I was attracted to her; she was attracted to me. I like that kind of honesty and straightforwardness. You so often find it in children, less often in adults, which is one reason I chose pediatrics. I’d make more money in another specialty, but I’ve only ever wanted to work with kids. Frankly, I regretted going to the French Café. I wasn’t ready to go out into the world; life was complicated enough. Still, Winter’s phone number sat on the corner of my office desk and seemed to taunt me. I lost track of time while I looked at it. Then indecision would overcome me once again and I’d glance away.

  Friday nights were always the worst for me. Hannah and I had made a practice of doing something special on Fridays. She called it our date night. That didn’t mean we went out for fancy dinners and dancing or stuff like that. We couldn’t have afforded it in the early years. But on Friday nights we spent time together, no matter what. Our “date” could be cuddling on the sofa, watching a rented movie and ordering pizza, or—especially later on—

  it might be a full-blown dinner party with three or four other couples.

  Hannah loved to host parties. She enjoyed cooking and having friends over. She made everything look effortless and possessed a gift for making others feel comfortable. I’d come to enjoy these occasions far more than I’d ever expected.

  Now, without Hannah, Friday nights seemed especially bleak and lonely. That was the reason I’d started volunteering Friday evenings at a health clinic in Seattle’s Central District. I usually arrived around six and stayed until eight or nine and went home exhausted. Not only did working those long hours help me get through what had once been a special night for my wife and me, but afterward I could almost guarantee that I’d be able to sleep. Aside from the benefits I received, deep down I knew Hannah would approve of my volunteering.

  I sat at my desk and it seemed that pink message slip with Winter’s phone number wouldn’t let me be. It might as well have been a flashing neon light the way my gaze kept returning to it. I felt as though Hannah herself was reminding me that calling these three women was the last thing she’d ever ask me to do.

  “Oh, all right,” I muttered. I grabbed the slip and glanced at the ceiling. “I hope you’re happy.”

  As I may have mentioned, I often spoke to Hannah. That was our secret, mine and hers. I didn’t admit this to other people, even Ritchie, because I was afraid they’d suggest I stop conversing with my dead wife. They’d say it was time I got on with my life and accepted the fact that Hannah was dead. Well, I did accept it, but I wasn’t about to give up talking to her when I found such comfort in it. In more ways than I could count, I felt she was still with me. Sighing, I picked up the phone. I didn’t know what I’d say when Winter answered. Apparently, she had the same problem because she hadn’t contacted me again, either. I wondered if she felt as ill at ease as I did and assumed that was probably the case.

  I exhaled when the call connected, and closed my eyes, praying for inspiration.

  “The French Café,” a pleasant-sounding woman announced.

  “Oh, hi,” I managed to say. “This is Dr. Michael Everett. May I speak to Winter Adams?”

  “Hi, I’m Alix. Winter said you’d be phoning.”

  That was encouraging.

  “Unfortunately she isn’t here at the moment.”

  “Oh.” So I was to receive a second reprieve. I smiled. I’d done my duty; Hannah couldn’t fault me for not making the effort.

  “Winter left instructions that if you called I was to give you her cell number.”

  I clenched my teeth. No reprieve, after all. It’d taken me three days to respond to her message and now the situation was going to drag on even longer. “Okay,” I said.

  “Give me the number.”

  Alix recited it, I wrote it down and then repeated it.

  “Correct?” I asked.

  “Yes,” Alix confirmed. “I know Winter’s anxious to speak to you.”

  Oh, good, now pressure had been added to the mix. Winter expected to hear from me. “I’ll call her right away,”

  I said and disconnected.

  I knew I should follow through immediately, or else I’d leave the number
sitting on my desk over the weekend. Another three or four days would pass, making it harder than ever. I hung up the phone and leaned back in my chair.

  Folding my hands behind my head I analyzed my options. I could call Winter now, as I’d said I would, but I’d have to be quick, since I needed to leave for the clinic in ten minutes. Still, a lot could be said in that length of time. The exchange of chitchat wouldn’t take more than a minute, two at the most. I’d ask how she was and she’d say fine, and then she’d ask how I was getting along and I’d lie and tell her everything was going well. She’d express her condolences and then—what? Silence?

  I wasn’t going to mention Hannah’s letter. I supposed I could ask about the café. That might take another minute or so. Eventually I’d need to get around to the reason I’d phoned her. It’d been almost a week since Ritchie had given me the letter and I felt as much at a loss now as when I’d first read it. The down-and-dirty truth was that I had no desire to remarry and resented being forced into confronting something I didn’t even want to consider. Hannah was the only woman on earth for whom I’d do anything as crazy as this.

  I stared at Winter’s cell number so long that when I happened to look at my watch I realized I’d wasted my remaining ten minutes debating what I’d say. It was too late to call now. A sense of relief settled over me as I headed out of the office to the clinic.

  The clinic provided free parking behind the five-story brick structure. A couple of the doctors’ vehicles had been broken into so I preferred to take my chances on the street. Low income and high crime seemed to go hand in hand. Never mind that I was volunteering my time; I was putting my safety and my vehicle at risk.

  The Central District Health Clinic waiting area was filled to capacity when I stepped inside. The volunteer staff sorted the order in which cases were to be seen based on the severity of need. As much as possible, they steered the children to me, although I saw my fair share of adults. My first patient was a young woman named Shamika Wilson, who had a badly swollen right eye. She’d come to the clinic because she thought her arm was broken. I read over the chart and saw that she claimed her injuries had occurred as a result of falling down the stairs. An instant red flag went up. Apparently, Shamika Wilson made a habit of “falling down the stairs” because this was her third visit to the clinic with possible fractures in as many months.

  The young woman refused to look my way as I started asking her questions.

  “You fell down the stairs?” I pressed.

  She nodded.

  I refrained from mentioning the number of times this had happened. “When was the…accident?”

  “Wednesday night.”

  Two days earlier. “Why did you wait so long to come to the clinic?” I asked, noting the pain she was in. Shamika stared at the floor. “I thought it would get better on its own…but the pain just seemed to get worse.”

  Seeing that her arm was badly swollen and how she screamed at the mere touch of my fingers, I could only imagine the agony she’d endured for the past two days.

  “I’m ordering an X-ray,” I said.

  She bit her lip and nodded. Shamika knew as well as I did that the technician would need to move her arm to do the X-ray. It would cause her excruciating pain, but I had to know what I was dealing with before we could progress any further.

  “Did someone bring you to the clinic?” I asked.

  “My…husband.”

  “Is he in the waiting room now?” I asked. My anger was close to the surface and I struggled to hold it back. I wasn’t entirely sure who was the object of this fury. The young woman must’ve seen that she wasn’t fooling me with this tale of tripping on the stairs. She’d avoided eye contact when she referred to her husband, another telltale sign.

  The husband was some loser who used his wife as a punching bag to take out his own frustrations.

  “Yeah, Kenny’s waiting for me,” Shamika said, again without meeting my gaze.

  “I’ll see you in a few minutes,” I told her and left the room. I asked for a volunteer to escort Shamika to X-ray. Once she was out of earshot, I went to the waiting area. I asked to speak to Kenny.

  A skinny, wiry man stepped forward. “How’s Shamika?” he asked. I stood in the doorway and looked him in the eye. “I’ve ordered an X-ray, but I’m fairly sure the arm’s broken. It’ll need to be set.”

  He sighed. “How long is that going to take?”

  “I won’t know until I see the X-rays.” I glanced out at the crowded waiting room. “Shamika insists she fell down the stairs. I find that interesting because she’s fallen down the stairs three times in the past few months.”

  Her husband shrugged. “What can I tell you? The bitch is clumsy.”

  I might’ve let the matter go if he’d referred to Shamika as anything but a bitch. “Clumsy? Now listen up, Kenny. You and I both know this accident on the stairs is pretty much a lie. Don’t you realize how lucky you are to have a wife?” Whether they were legally husband and wife—I suspected they weren’t—was irrelevant. He looked up, and his eyes narrowed with challenge. He almost dared me to continue, and I was happy to defy his warning.

  “You have a good woman, and you treat her like this?”

  I said from between gritted teeth. “Do you enjoy hitting a woman?”

  He didn’t answer.

  I had the attention of everyone in the waiting area, which was what I wanted.

  “She deserved it. The bitch’s got a mouth on her.”

  “And I’ve got a temper,” I said and shocked myself by grabbing his collar and lifting him off the ground so that he stood on the tips of his toes. I knew I might be asked to leave the clinic for pulling this stunt, but at the moment I didn’t care. He had a wife and chose to mistreat her, while I would’ve given anything to have Hannah back.

  “You’re a little man,” I spat out. “You hit your wife again and I will personally see to it that you’re sorry. Do I make myself clear?” I carefully enunciated each word so there’d be no doubt in his mind that I was serious. He fought to break my hold, but I had a firm grasp on his collar.

  “Do we understand each other?” I asked, shoving him against the wall.

  He managed to nod, which wasn’t easy, seeing that I had his shirt wadded up to the point that he could hardly breathe.

  “Good.” I glared at him, our faces so close our noses practically touched.

  “Dr. Everett.” Mimi Johnson, who ran the clinic, had her hand on my arm. She repeated my name again and then a third time.

  I didn’t know how long she’d been standing there or what else she’d said.

  Reluctantly, I released Kenny, but maintained my stance, glaring at the other man, letting him know I wasn’t backing down. He, on the other hand, couldn’t get away from me fast enough.

  The piece of scum brought his hand to his throat as if he’d been in mortal danger of being choked to death. If he hurt Shamika again, I’d have no qualms about making sure he suffered. I doubted Shamika would press charges against him. I’d seen this type of situation far too often; bullies and abusers rarely got the punishment they deserved.

  Under normal circumstances, I’m not a violent man, but my limit had been reached. I wanted Kenny to feel embarrassed and humiliated and at the same time I was fairly confident that he understood there’d be consequences if I ever heard of him hitting this woman again. I’d make sure a police report was filed, but it wouldn’t do much good unless Shamika pressed charges.

  We scowled at each other and then he turned and fled the room, slamming the door behind him.

  Mimi asked me to come into her office, which I did. Needless to say, the lecture that followed was completely justified. I listened and nodded at the appropriate times. My job wasn’t to judge, but to treat the sick and injured to the best of my ability. It was up to the authorities to handle cases of domestic violence. And it definitely wasn’t my place to take matters into my own hands.

  “Do you understand?” Mimi asked.
<
br />   “Yes.” Although I couldn’t guarantee it wouldn’t happen again.

  “If this aggressive behavior is repeated,” Mimi warned,

  “I’m going to have to suggest that you might not be an appropriate fit for our clinic.”

  I said nothing.

  “Do you need to leave? Shall I call for a replacement?”

  “I’ll behave,” I assured her like a repentant youngster.

  “Good.” She sighed with relief.

  We both knew it would be difficult to find a replacement, especially at the last minute like this. I finished the shift without incident and left with barely a word to Mimi and the others. As I pulled into the driveway, I was shocked anew by my own behavior. In all my years in the medical field, I’d never once stepped over the line the way I had that evening. It was time to bow out. Mimi realized it and I did, too. I’d send a letter of resignation on Monday. Inside the house, I tossed my car keys on the counter and then sat on the edge of the sofa. “I lost it,” I told Hannah. “I just lost it.” Kenny deserved everything I’d said and done, and in that sense I didn’t regret it. However, I’d been called upon to treat the sick and injured—nothing less and certainly nothing more.

  Generally, I picked up something to eat on my way home from the clinic. But I hadn’t thought of food all evening, although I hadn’t eaten since noon. My stomach growled.

  I located a can of soup, heated that and ate it over the kitchen sink. When I finished I set down the bowl and just stood there. I was still angry. My hands became clenched fists.

  “I can’t do it anymore,” I told Hannah.

  How I missed her. How I needed her. She would’ve been horrified by the regular attacks on Shamika and concerned about my uncharacteristic loss of control. Undoubtedly she would’ve found the perfect words to comfort me and ease my mind.

  But Hannah wasn’t here. She never would be again and I’d need to deal with instances like this on my own. I’d acted foolishly. But while I regretted cracking, I didn’t regret threatening that wife-beater.

  It was midnight before I’d calmed down enough to go to bed, but sleep didn’t come. After tangling the sheets, rolling one way and then the other, I decided to sit up and read. That didn’t help, and in an act of pure desperation, I reached for the photo of Hannah. It was one of my favorites—she was walking in an open field, carpeted with blooming wildflowers. I’d taken it on a day trip to Hurricane Ridge several years before. I kept the framed photograph by my bedside and now I set it on the pillow next to mine.