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  A lump the size of a goose egg formed in her throat. “No,” she whispered. “I don’t want to have anything to do with Steve. We’re better off divorced.”

  Fourteen

  “I’m not an invalid,” Carol insisted, frowning at her ex-sister-in-law as she carried her own breakfast dishes to the sink.

  “But you’ve only been out of the hospital a week,” Lindy argued, flittering around her like a mother hen protecting her smallest chick.

  “For heaven’s sake, sit down,” Carol cried, “before you drive me crazy!”

  “All right, all right.”

  Carol shared a knowing smile with Rush Callaghan, Lindy’s husband. He was a different man than the Rush Carol had known before his marriage to Lindy. He smiled openly now. Laughed. Carol had been fond of Rush, but he’d always been so very serious—all Navy. The military wouldn’t find a man more loyal than Rush, but loving Lindy had changed him—and for the better. Lindy had brought sunshine and laughter into his life and brightened his world in a wide spectrum of rainbow colors.

  “Come on, Lindy,” Rush said, “you can walk me to the door and kiss me goodbye.”

  With an eagerness that made Carol smile, her good friend escorted Rush to the front door and lingered there several minutes.

  When she returned, Lindy walked blindly into the kitchen, wearing a dazed, contented grin. She plopped herself down in a chair, reached for her empty coffee cup and sighed. “He’ll be gone for a couple of days.”

  “Are you going to suffer those Navy blues?”

  “I suppose,” Lindy said. She lifted her mug and rested her elbows on the table. “I’m a little giddy this morning because Rush and I reached a major decision last night.” She smiled and the sun seemed to shine through her eyes. “We’re going to start a family. Our first wedding anniversary is coming up soon, and we thought this would be a good way to celebrate.”

  “Sweet potatoes,” Carol said, grinning from ear to ear. “They worked for me.”

  Lindy gave her a look that insinuated that perhaps Carol should return to the hospital for much-needed psychiatric treatment. “What was that?”

  “Sweet potatoes. You know—yams. I heard a medical report over the news last year that reported the results of a study done on a tribe in Africa whose diet staple was sweet potatoes. The results revealed a higher estrogen level in the women and they attributed that fact to the yams.”

  “I see.”

  Lindy continued to study her closely. Carol giggled. “I’m not joking! They really work. I wanted to get pregnant and I couldn’t count on anything more from Steve than Christmas Eve, so I ate enough sweet potatoes for my body to float in the hormone.”

  “One night did it?” Lindy’s interest was piqued, although she struggled not to show it.

  “Two actually—but who knows how long it would have taken otherwise. I ate that vegetable in every imaginable form—including some I wouldn’t recommend. If you want, I’ll loan you my collection of recipes.”

  A slow smile spread over Lindy’s face, catching in her lovely brown eyes. “I want!”

  Carol rinsed her plate and stuck it inside the dishwasher.

  “Let me do that!” Lindy insisted, jumping to her feet. “Honest to goodness, Carol. You’re so stubborn.”

  “No, please, I want to help. It makes me feel like I’m being useful.” She never had been one to sit and do nothing. This period of convalescence had been troubling enough without Lindy babying her.

  “You’re recovering from major surgery, for heaven’s sake!” Steve’s sister insisted.

  “I’m fine.”

  “Now, maybe, but a week ago….”

  Even now Carol had a difficult time realizing how close she’d come to losing her life. It was the voice that had pulled her back, refusing to let her slip into the darkness, the voice that had urged her to live. Something deep within her subconscious had demanded she cling to life when it would have been so easy to surrender.

  “Lindy, I need to ask you something.” Unexpectedly Carol’s mind was buzzing with doubts about the future.

  “Sure, what is it?”

  “If anything were to happen to me after the baby’s born—”

  “Nothing’s going to happen to you,” Lindy argued.

  “Probably not.” Carol pulled out the kitchen chair and sat down. She didn’t want to sound as though she had a death wish, but with the baby came a responsibility she hadn’t thought of before her illness. “I don’t have much in the way of family. My mother died several years ago—soon after Steve … soon after I was married. She and my father were divorced years before, and I hardly know him. He has another family and I rarely hear from him.”

  Lindy nodded. “Dr. Elgin, the surgeon, asked us to contact any close family members and Steve phoned your father. He … he couldn’t come.”

  “He’s a busy man,” Carol said, willingly offering an excuse for her father, the way she had for most of her life. “But if I were to die,” she persisted, “there’d be no one to raise my baby.”

  “Steve …”

  Carol shook her head. “No. He’ll probably marry again and have his own family someday. And if he doesn’t, he’ll be so involved in the Navy he won’t be much good for raising a child.” It was so much to ask of anyone, even a friend as near and dear as Lindy. “Would you and Rush consider being her guardians?”

  “Of course, Carol,” Lindy assured her warmly. “But nothing’s going to happen to you.”

  Carol smiled. “I certainly plan on living a long, productive life, but something like this surgery hits close to home.”

  “I’ll talk it over with Rush, but I’m sure he’ll be more than willing for us to be your baby’s guardians.”

  “Thank you,” Carol said, and impulsively hugged Lindy. Steve’s family had always been good to her.

  “Okay, now that that’s settled, how about a hot game of gin rummy? I feel lucky.”

  “Sure …” Carol paused and her eyes rounded. Her hand moved to the slight curve of her stomach as her heart filled with happiness.

  “Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine. The baby just moved—she does that quite a bit now—but never this strong.”

  “Does it hurt?”

  Carol shook her head. “Not in the least. I don’t know how to describe it, but every time she decides to explore her little world, I get excited. In four short months I’ll be holding my daughter. Oh, Lindy, I can hardly believe it … I can hardly wait.”

  “Have you ever considered the possibility that she might be a he?”

  “Nope. Not once. The moment I decided to get pregnant, I put my order in for a girl. The least Steve could do was get that right.” His name slipped out unnoticed, but as soon as it left her lips, Carol stiffened. She was doing her utmost to disentangle him from her life, peeling away the threads that were so securely wrapped around her soul. There was no going back now, she realized. She’d confirmed every insulting thing he’d ever accused her of.

  The mention of Steve seemed to subdue them both.

  “Have you chosen a name for the baby?” Lindy asked a little too brightly in an all too apparent effort to change the subject.

  Carol dropped her gaze. She’d originally intended to name the baby Stephanie, after Steve, but she’d since decided against that. There would be enough reminders that Steve was her baby’s father without using his name. “Not yet,” she answered.

  “And you’re feeling better?”

  “Much.” Although she was enjoying staying with Lindy and Rush, Carol longed to go back to her own home. Now that Steve was completely out of her life, living with his sister was flirting with misery. Twice Lindy had tried to casually bring Steve into their conversation. Carol had swiftly stopped her both times, but she didn’t know who it was harder on—Lindy or herself. She didn’t want to hear about Steve, didn’t want to think about him.

  Not anymore. Not again.

  * * *

  “So how are you
feeling, young lady?” Dr. Stewart asked as he walked into the examination room. “I’ll have you know you gave us all quite a scare.”

  “That’s what I hear.” This was her first appointment to see Dr. Stewart since she’d left the hospital. She’d been through a series of visits with the surgeon, Dr. Elgin, and everything was progressing as it should with the post-surgery healing.

  “And how’s that little fighter been treating you lately?” he asked with an affectionate chuckle, eyeing Carol’s tummy. “Is the baby moving regularly now?”

  She nodded eagerly. “All the time.”

  “Excellent.”

  “She seems determined to make herself felt.”

  “This is only the beginning,” Dr. Stewart said chuckling. “Wait a few months and then tell me what you think.”

  The nurse came into the room and Carol lay back on the examination table while the doctor listened for the baby’s heartbeat. He grinned and Carol smiled back. Her world might be crumbling around the edges, but the baby filled her with purpose and hope for a brighter future.

  “You’ve returned to work?”

  She nodded. “Part-time for the next couple of weeks, then full-time depending on how tired I get. Despite everything, I actually feel terrific.”

  He helped her into an upright position. “It’s little wonder after what you went through—anything is bound to be an improvement.” As he spoke he made several notations in her file. “You were one sick young lady. I don’t mind telling you,” Dr. Stewart added, looking up from her chart, “I was greatly impressed with that young man of yours.”

  Carol’s smile was forced and her heart lurched at the reference to Steve. “Thank you.”

  “He wouldn’t leave your side—not for a moment. Dr. Elgin commented on the fact just the other day. We both believe it was his love that got you through those darkest hours. He was determined that you live.” He paused and chuckled softly. “I don’t think God Himself would have dared to claim you.”

  Carol dropped her gaze, not knowing how to comment.

  “He’s a fine young man. Navy?”

  “Yes.”

  “Give him my regards, will you?”

  Carol nodded, her eyes avoiding his.

  “Continue with the vitamins and make an appointment to see me in a couple of weeks.” He gently patted Carol’s hand and moved out of the room.

  From the doctor’s office, Carol returned to work. But when she pulled into the Boeing parking lot, she sat in her car for several moments, mulling over what Dr. Stewart had told her.

  It was Steve’s voice that called to her in the dark fog. Steve had been the one who’d comforted her. And when she’d felt the pull of the night, it was he who had demanded she return to the light. According to Dr. Stewart, he’d refused to leave her side.

  Carol hadn’t known.

  She was stunned. She’d purposely lied to him, wanting to hurt him for being so insensitive about the possibility of the surgery claiming their baby’s life. She’d been confused and angry because so much of what he wanted for her revealed his lack of faith in her integrity.

  She’d sent him away and yet he’d refused to leave her to suffer through the ordeal alone.

  Before she returned to her own job section, Carol stopped off to see Lindy.

  “Hi,” Lindy greeted, looking up from her desk. “What did the doctor have to say?”

  “Take your vitamins and see me in two weeks.”

  “That sounds profound.”

  Carol scooted a chair toward Lindy’s desk and clasped her purse tightly between her hands. The action produced a wide-eyed stare from her former sister-in-law.

  “Something Dr. Stewart did say was profound,” Carol stated in even tones, although the information Dr. Stewart had given her had shaken her soul.

  “Oh? What?”

  “He told me Steve was with me every minute after the surgery. He claimed it was Steve who got me through it alive.”

  “He was there, all right,” Lindy confirmed readily. “No one could get him to leave you. You know how stubborn he is. I think he was afraid that if he walked away, you’d die.”

  “You didn’t tell me that.”

  “Of course I didn’t! If you’ll recall, I’ve been forbidden to even mention his name. You practically have a seizure if I so much as hint that there could be someone named Steve distantly related to either of us.”

  “But I’d told him the baby wasn’t his…. I sent him away.”

  “You told him what?” Lindy demanded, her eyes as round as dinner plates. “Why? Carol, how could you? Oh, good grief—it isn’t any wonder you two have problems. It’s like watching a boxing match. You seem to take turns throwing punches at each other.”

  “He … didn’t say anything?”

  “No. Steve never tells me what’s going on in his life. No matter what’s happened between you two, he won’t say a word. I still don’t know the reason you divorced in the first place. Even Rush isn’t sure what happened. Steve’s like that—he keeps everything to himself.”

  “And he stayed with me, even after I said I wouldn’t remarry him,” Carol murmured, feeling worse by the moment.

  “There will never be anyone else for him but you, Carol,” Lindy murmured. Some of the indignation had left her, but she still carried an affronted look, as if she wanted to stand up and defend her brother.

  Carol didn’t need Lindy’s outrage in order to feel guilty. Lying had never set well with her, but Steve had hurt her so badly. She would like to think that she’d been delirious with pain at the time and not herself, but that wasn’t the case. When she’d told Steve that she was going to accept another man’s marriage proposal, she’d known exactly what she was doing.

  “I owe him so much,” Carol murmured absentmindedly.

  “According to the surgeon and Dr. Stewart, you owe Steve your life.”

  Carol’s gaze held Lindy’s. “Why didn’t you say something earlier?”

  Lindy tossed her hands into the air. “You wouldn’t let me. Remember?”

  “I know … I’m sorry.” Carol felt like weeping. Lindy was right, so very right. Her relationship with Steve was like a championship boxing match. Although they loved each other, they continued to strike out in a battle of words and deeds.

  It wasn’t until after she got home and had time to think matters through that Carol decided what she needed to do—what she had to do.

  It wouldn’t be easy.

  * * *

  Steve read the directions on the back of the frozen dinner entrée and turned the dial on the oven to the appropriate setting. He never had been much of a cook, choosing to eat most of his meals out. Lately, however, even that was more of an effort than he wanted to make. He’d been reduced to frozen TV dinners.

  While they were married, Carol had—

  Steve ground his thoughts to a screeching halt as he forced the name of his ex-wife from his mind. It astonished him how easily she slipped in where he desperately didn’t want her. Yet he was doing everything he could to try to forget the portion of his life that they’d shared.

  But that was more easily said than done.

  He hadn’t asked Lindy about Carol since she’d been released from the hospital. He wanted to know if Todd Larson was giving her the time she needed from work to heal properly. The amount of control it demanded to avoid the subject of Carol with his sister depleted his energy. He was like a man lost in the middle of a desert, dying of thirst. And water was well within sight, but he dared not drink.

  Carol had her own life, and now that she and the baby were safe, she was free to seek her own happiness. As he could—only there would be little contentment in his life without her.

  The sound of the doorbell caught him by surprise. He tossed the frozen dinner into the oven and headed to the front door, determined to get rid of whoever was there. He wasn’t in any mood for company.

  “Hello, Steve.”

  Carol stood on the other side of the threshold,
and he was so shocked to see her that someone could have blown him over with the toot of a toy whistle.

  “Carol … how are you?” he asked, his voice stiff, his body tense as though mentally preparing for pain.

  “I’m doing much better.”

  She answered him with a gentle smile that spoke of reluctance and regret. Just looking at her tore through his middle.

  “Would you like to come in?” he asked. Refusing her entry would be rude, and they’d done more than their share of hurting each other.

  “Please.”

  He stepped aside, pressing himself against the door. She looked well, her coloring once more pink and healthy. Her eyes were soft and appealing when he dared to meet her gaze, which took effort to avoid.

  Carol stood in the center of his living room, staring out the window at the panorama of the city. Steve had the impression, though, that she wasn’t really looking at the view.

  “Would you like something to drink?” he asked when she didn’t speak immediately.

  “No, thanks … this will only take a moment.”

  Now that he’d found his bearings, Steve forced himself to relax.

  “I was in to see Dr. Stewart this afternoon,” she said, and her voice pitched a little as if she were struggling to get everything out. “He … he told me how you were with me after the surgery.”

  “Listen, Carol, if you’ve come to thank me, it isn’t necessary. If you’d told me who the baby’s father is, I would have gone for him. He could have stayed with you, but—”

  “I lied,” Carol interrupted, squaring her shoulders.

  He let her words soak into his mind before he responded. “About what?”

  “Marrying the baby’s father. I told you that because I was so hurt by what you’d said.”

  “What I’d said?” He couldn’t recall doing or saying anything to anger her. The fact was, he’d done everything possible to show her how much he loved and cared about her.

  “You suggested it would be better if I did lose this child,” she murmured, and her voice trembled even more, “because next time you could be certain you were the father.”

  She seemed to want him to respond to that. “I remember saying something along those lines.”