Borrowed Dreams (Debbie Macomber Classics) Read online

“I talked to Jones this morning,” George continued. “He explained the situation. I would have hated your losing that commission for lack of a truck.”

  “Commission?” Carly’s dark eyes sparked with anger. “Was that before or after you rescued the poor injured hiker off Denali?”

  “Hiker?” George’s gaze floated from one to the other.

  “You wouldn’t have given me the truck otherwise,” Brand inserted, ignoring George.

  “You’re right, I wouldn’t have.”

  “I got a message that you wanted to see me.” Brand directed his attention to George.

  “As a matter of fact, I did.” George adopted a businesslike attitude. “Come into the warehouse. I want to talk to you about something.” He turned toward Carly and grinned sheepishly. “I don’t suppose you’d mind putting on a pot of coffee? We’re both going to need it before this morning’s over.”

  Carly opened and closed her mouth. Coffee making hadn’t been listed in her job description, but she complied willingly, rather than argue.

  The two men were deep in conversation as they headed toward the door. Brand stopped and turned to Carly. “Think about what I said,” he murmured, and smiled. It was one of those bone-melting, earth-shattering smiles meant to disarm the most sophisticated of women. But the amazing part of it all was that he didn’t seem to recognize the effect he had on her. The gesture should have disarmed her; instead, it only served to confuse her further.

  She was busy at her desk when Brand returned alone a half hour later.

  “I meant what I said about paying you for some bookkeeping.”

  “I’m sorry,” she returned on a falsely cheerful note, “but I’m busy. There’s an important rescue I’m performing in Denali Park this weekend.”

  Brand didn’t look pleased.

  To hide her smile, Carly pretended an inordinate interest in her work, making a show of shuffling papers around. “Was there anything else?”

  Slowly, his gaze traveled over her. When he didn’t answer right away, Carly looked up. She had been angry at his deception, disliking the way he’d gone about borrowing the truck. But one look and she had to fight her way out of the whirlpooling effect he had on her senses.

  “Think about it,” he said in a slightly husky voice.

  “There isn’t anything to think about,” she returned smoothly, her tone belying the erratic pounding of her heart. When he walked out the door, Carly was shocked to discover that her fingers were trembling. “Get a hold of yourself, old girl,” she chastised herself in a breathy murmur, half surprised, half angry at her reaction to this man. Brand St. Clair had an uncanny knack for forcing her to recognize her own sensuality. And Carly found that highly disturbing.

  * * *

  As the week progressed, Carly couldn’t decide if she was pleased or disconcerted when she didn’t see Brand again. Her job was settling into a routine aside from a few minor clashes with George. He gladly surrendered the paperwork to her, preferring that she handle the collection and claims while he took care of the routing.

  On Friday afternoon Brand strolled through the office door and beamed her a bright smile. “Hello again.”

  “Hello.” Carly forced an answering smile. “George is out for the day.”

  “I know. It’s you I wanted to see.”

  “Oh.” She swallowed uncomfortably, disliking the way her heart reacted to seeing him again.

  “I just stopped by to see if you’d be interested in going flying with me tomorrow.”

  Carly stared at him blankly, confronted with the choice of owning up to what she was feeling or ignoring this growing awareness. In all honesty, she’d prefer it if he walked out the door and left her alone.

  “Why me?” She didn’t mean to sound so sharp, but she wanted to know what had prompted him to seek her out. Had she been flashing him subliminal messages?

  His eyes narrowed fractionally. “I want your company. Is that a crime? Come fly with me.”

  Carly hesitated. His challenge was open enough, and she found that the answer came just as easily. She wanted his company, too. True, Brand possessed a dangerous quality that captivated as well as alarmed her. One flight with him could prove to be devastating. But she’d love to fly. “How long will we be gone?” Not that it mattered; she hadn’t planned to do anything more than unpack boxes.

  “Most of the day. We’ll leave in the morning and be back in time for me to take you to dinner.” His faint drawl enticed her.

  “What time do you want me to meet you?” she asked. Red lights were flashing all around her, but Carly chose to ignore their warning. Brand St. Clair was a challenge—and she’d never been able to resist that. In some ways it was a fault, and in others it was her greatest strength.

  * * *

  The next morning, as Carly dressed in jeans and a thick jacket, she wondered at the wisdom of her actions. Only when she was strapped into the seat of the Cessna 150, her adrenaline pumping at the roar of the engine, did she realize how excited she was. She started to ask Brand about the panel full of gauges when she was interrupted by the voice of the air traffic controller, who gave them clearance for takeoff.

  Brand turned and gifted her with another of his earth-shattering smiles before taxiing onto the runway and pulling back on the throttle. Then, with an unbelievable burst of power, they were airborne. Her stomach lurched as the wheels left the safety of the ground—but with exhilaration, not alarm.

  Looking out the window, Carly watched as the ground below took on an unreal quality. She had flown several times, but sitting in a commercial airliner was a different experience compared to floating in the sky in a small private plane.

  “This is fantastic.” She shouted to be heard above the roar of the engine. The skies were blue, with only a few powder-puff clouds, the view below unobstructed. “Will we see Mount McKinley?”

  “Not this trip. We’re headed in the opposite direction.”

  Carly responded with a short nod. She was anxious to view North America’s highest mountain. Mount Rainier, outside Seattle, and the Cascade Range featured distinctive peaks, but from what she’d read about McKinley, the mountain was more blunt, less angular than anything she’d seen.

  “It’s so green,” she shouted, and pointed to the dense forest below. When Carly had made up her mind to take this job, her first thought had been that she would be leaving the abundant beauty of Washington behind. “I’m really impressed,” she said with a warm smile.

  Brand’s gaze slid to her. “What would it take for me to impress you?”

  Carly threw back her head and laughed, refusing to play his game. There wasn’t much he could do that would impress her more than he had already.

  Brand took her hand and squeezed it. “What did your family think about you moving north?”

  Carly was reluctant to admit she didn’t have a family. “They didn’t say anything. I’m over twenty-one.” The lie was a minor one. She’d never known her father, and only God knew the whereabouts of her mother. The longest Carly had ever stayed in one foster home was four years. With only herself to rely on, she’d become strong in ways that others were weak. Carly didn’t need anyone but herself.

  “How long have you been flying?” She discovered that the best way to defuse questions was to ask one of her own.

  “I’ve flown since I was a kid. My dad owned an appliance business and traveled all over Oregon. I took my first flying lessons at sixteen, but by that time I had been in the air a thousand times.”

  “Are you from Portland?”

  He answered with an abrupt nod.

  “What made you come to Alaska?”

  He didn’t hesitate. “The money.”

  Carly remembered George saying something about heavy expenses. “Medical bills, right?”

  Brand turned to study her. Carly met his gaze. “Yes,” he answered, without elaborating. Carly didn’t question him further.

  His attention returned to the sky, and Carly watched as a proud ma
sk came over him, letting her know that this subject was off-limits. The transformation in him confused her. She was unsure of Brand, but he didn’t intimidate her. In some ways she sensed that they were alike. Each had buried hurts that were best not shared so early in a relationship. Sighing, she glanced away. His attitude shouldn’t bother her.

  They were both quiet for a long time. “What do you think of Alaska?” Brand asked her unexpectedly, as if he were attempting to lighten the mood that had settled over them.

  “I love it,” Carly responded freely. “Of course, I haven’t survived an Alaskan winter yet, so I might answer your question differently a year from now.”

  “A lot of people see Alaska as big and lonely. Its appeal isn’t for everyone.” His smile was wry.

  “Alaska is isolated, that much I’ll grant you. But not lonely. I’ve sat in a crowded room and been more alone than at any time in my life. Alaska demands and challenges, but not everyone is meant to face that—”

  Abruptly, Carly broke off and bit her lip. This was the very thing that had attracted her to this frozen land of America’s last frontier.

  Brand studied her, his expression revealing surprise at her answer. “George purposely hired someone in early spring,” he told her. “Only a fool would move to Anchorage in winter.”

  “That bad?” She, too, hoped to lighten the mood.

  “You have to live through one to believe it.” The edges of his mouth deepened to reveal a smile.

  “I’ll make it,” Carly returned confidently. She wasn’t completely ignorant. Diana had taken delight in relaying the fact that temperatures of twenty degrees below zero weren’t uncommon during the winter months in Anchorage. Carly had known what to expect when she’d accepted the job.

  “I don’t doubt that you will.” His dark gaze skimmed her face. “I like you, Carly Grieves,” he admitted, his voice low and gravelly, as if he hadn’t meant to tell her as much.

  “And I trust you about as far as I can throw you,” she teased. “But then, I’m stronger than I look.”

  * * *

  Once they returned, they ate in a restaurant not far from the Anchorage International Airport. A companionable silence hung between them. The men Carly had dated in the past were talkers; she preferred it that way. The experience of sharing a meal with a man she had seen only a handful of times and feeling this kind of communication was beyond her experience, and that excited her.

  They rode back to the airport, where Carly had left her car. “Come into my office and I’ll show you around,” Brand invited. “I’ll put some coffee on.”

  “I’d like that.”

  He opened her door for her, and she followed him into the small building that served as his office.

  A flicker of uncertainty passed over Carly’s features as she entered the one-room office. The area was too private, too isolated. Once inside the darkened room, Brand didn’t make any pretense of getting coffee. Instead, he turned her into his arms; a hand on each shoulder burned through her thick jacket. He seared her with a bold look as his eyes ran over her.

  “I’m not interested in coffee,” he muttered thickly.

  “I knew that,” she answered in a whisper.

  His hand cupped the underside of her face as his thumb tested the fullness of her mouth. When his hand fell away, Carly involuntarily moistened her lips.

  She watched, fascinated, as a veiled question came into his eyes. He looked as if he were making up his mind whether to kiss her or not. His fingers slid into her hair, weaving through the dark strands and tilting her head back. Although her heart was pounding wildly, she continued to study him with an unwavering look. His eyes were narrow and unreadable.

  With a small groan, he fit his mouth to hers. Carly opened her lips in welcome. The kiss was the most unusual she had ever experienced: gentle, tender, soft … almost tentative. Gradually, he deepened the contact, his arms pulling her closer until she was molded tight against him. His hands roamed her back, arching her body as close as possible as his mouth courted hers, exploring one side of her lips and working his way to the other in a sensuous attack that melted any resistance.

  He broke away, his mouth mere inches above hers. His warm breath fanned her face as his fingers worked the buttons of her coat. Again his mouth covered hers in long, drugging kisses as he slipped the coat from her shoulders and let it fall unheeded to the floor.

  Carly fought for control of her senses. This was too much too soon, but she couldn’t tear herself away. The throbbing ache his mouth, his hands, his body were creating within her was slowly consuming her will.

  She moaned softly as he buried his face in the curve of her throat. Her eyes closed as she tangled her fingers in the hair that grew at the nape of his neck.

  “Brand.” Breathlessly, she whispered his name, not sure why she had.

  Instantly he went still, as if the sound of her voice had brought him to his senses. His hand closed over her wrists and pulled them free.

  “What’s wrong?” she pleaded.

  He took a step in retreat. His eyes no longer met hers, but were cast down at the floor as he took in deep breaths. When he looked up and ran a hand along the back of his neck, Carly saw something flicker in his eyes that could be read as regret or guilt or perhaps shock.

  The world came to a stop as she realized what must have happened. How could she have been so blind not to see what was right in front of her? All the clues were there. She’d been so stupid. A coldness settled over her as a hoarseness filled her throat.

  “You’re married, aren’t you?”

  Chapter Two

  “No.” Brand issued the single word with a vengeance.

  “I’m not entirely stupid—” Carly’s voice became a whisper.

  “I’m a widower,” Brand interrupted harshly, wiping a hand across his face.

  It doesn’t matter, Carly’s mind screamed as she retrieved her coat. If she hadn’t been so blinded by her pure physical attraction to him, she would have recognized those blatant red lights for what they were. His wife might be dead, but it didn’t make any difference.

  “Carly, listen.”

  She ignored him, irritated with herself for her own stupidity. “I had a great time today,” she murmured.

  “Carly, I want to explain.”

  She could hear the frustrated anger in his voice. The anger wasn’t directed at her, but inward. Every dictate of her will demanded she turn around and run from the building. Both hands were tucked deep within her pockets as she took a step backward. “Thank you for dinner. We’ll have to do it again sometime.” Not waiting for his response, she hurried from the office. By the time she reached her car, Carly’s knees felt as though they could no longer support her.

  When she arrived back at her apartment she had an upset stomach. Brand had been married. Forcing herself to breathe evenly, she deliberately walked around the living room, running her hand over the back of the sofa. Everything she owned had been purchased new. She wouldn’t take second best in anything. Not clothes, not cars, not jobs. After a life filled with secondhand goods and a hand-me-down childhood, she wasn’t about to start now—especially with a man. All right, she was being unreasonable, she knew that; Diana had taken delight in telling her so a hundred times. But Carly didn’t see any reason to change. She liked herself the way she was—unreasonable or not.

  * * *

  Three days later, she was still unable to shake the confusion and disappointment that Brand’s announcement had produced. She’d made up her mind not to see him again. Yet her mind entertained thoughts of him at the oddest times. She forced his image from her brain, determined to blot him from her life completely.

  Thursday evening, when the phone rang, Carly stared at it in surprise. The telephone company had installed it at the beginning of the week and, although she’d made several calls out, she had yet to receive one.

  “Hello.”

  “Carly?” The voice reverberated, sounding as if it came from the moon.


  “Diana?” The soft echo of her words returned over the line.

  “I couldn’t stand it another minute. I had to find out how everything’s going. I miss you like crazy,” Diana said softly. Then, as if she’d admitted more than she’d wanted to, she quickly changed the subject. “How’s Alaska? Have you seen any moose yet?”

  “No moose, and I love Alaska,” Carly responded enthusiastically, knowing that her friend was uncomfortable sharing emotions. “It’s vast, untouched, beautiful.”

  “That’s not the way I heard it,” Diana said, and released a frustrated sigh. “How’s the job and the mysterious George Hamlyn?”

  “We’ve had a few minor clashes, but all in all everything’s working out great.”

  “After all I did to convince you to stay in Seattle, you wouldn’t admit anything else,” Diana chided. “How’s the apartment?”

  “Adequate. I’m looking into buying a condo.”

  “I knew it.” Diana didn’t bother to disguise her friendly censure. “I wondered how long you’d last in a used apartment.”

  “It’s not that old,” Carly responded with a dry smile. Her friend knew her too well.

  “When are you going to get over this quirk of yours?”

  “Quirk?” Carly feigned ignorance, not wanting to argue.

  “No, it’s become more than that.” The teasing quality left Diana’s voice. “It’s an obsession.”

  “Just because I happen to prefer new things doesn’t make me obsessive. I can afford the condominium.” But barely. The payments would eat a huge hole in her monthly paycheck.

  “How’s Barney?” Carly quickly changed the subject. “Have you got a ring through his nose yet?”

  Diana’s laugh sounded forced. “So-so. If I’m going to marry again, you can bet that this time I’m going to be sure.”

  “I’ve heard love is better the third time around.”

  “Love maybe, marriage never. Besides, that’s supposed to be the second time around.”

  “In your case I had to improvise.”

  Diana gave a weak snort. “I don’t know why I put up with you.”