If Not for You Page 9

  “Do you feel better now?”

  She hesitated before she answered. “No.”

  Sam raised her hand to his mouth and kissed the backside. It was such a sweet, reassuring gesture that tears gathered in her eyes. She rapidly blinked them away, embarrassed by the display of emotion. He was practically a stranger, yet he’d been her rock from the moment of the accident.

  “Who told you?” she asked.

  “Nichole. Apparently, the hospital notified Sunshine…”

  “Oh no.” Beth groaned. “And now she’s probably freaking out.”

  He grinned. “Probably. I know how I felt when I heard. Nichole sent me a text on my way to the hospital. Sunshine is flying back as soon as she can get a flight.”

  “Oh dear. I didn’t want her to do that.” Beth’s shoulders sagged with regret. This art show was important to her aunt, and she hated the thought of Sunshine cutting it short because of her. “I wish she wouldn’t.”

  “Beth, come on. Of course she’s coming. She’s worried about you.” He hesitated, his hand tightening around hers. “For that matter, so am I. What can I do?”

  He’d been so good to her, and in her weakened state it demanded every shred of control she possessed not to break into tears.

  Sam apparently noticed her struggling with her emotions. “Would you like me to read you another Psalm? I’ll do it if it will ease your mind. Actually, I might do it anyway to ease my own.”

  Despite the tears crowding her eyes, Beth smiled. “I wish you’d stop being so wonderful.”

  He chuckled. “That’s not a word most people would associate with me.”

  “I do.” It shocked her how quickly he’d come to mean so much to her. It’d been only a few days and it was as if her entire day revolved around him and his visits.

  “My guitar is in my truck. Would you like me to play for you again?”

  Of all the things Beth missed most during her hospital stay, not being able to play the piano topped the list. Yes, she could listen to music, which she did every day, but it wasn’t the same. Nothing compared to being able to sit down at the piano with her own hands running over the keys. The sound pulsed through her fingertips, the music swirling around her, lifting her above whatever was troubling her mind, lifting her higher and higher until her problems dissolved into thin air.

  Sam released her hand and she immediately felt the loss of his touch. “I’ll be back in a jiffy.” He took two steps in retreat before turning and hurrying out of the room.

  Before he’d arrived she’d been feeling low, wondering why all this was happening to her. The instant Sam walked in the room, Beth felt better both emotionally and physically. She didn’t want to become dependent on him, so when he phoned to say he wouldn’t be by she’d thought it was probably for the best. Then here he was, and she was doing an imaginary happy dance knowing that as soon as he’d heard he’d rushed to the hospital to stand at her side.

  Within a few minutes, Sam returned with his guitar.

  “Thank you,” she whispered when he pulled out the chair next to her bed and took out his pick.

  He smiled up at her. “I’m taking requests.”

  She smiled. “How about a little Bob Dylan. His music soothes me. It always has.”

  “Me, too.”

  Resting his hands on the strings, Sam played a gentle melody. The notes whirled around her, and she sighed as if he’d wrapped her in a warm blanket. Sam glanced at her and smiled and she swore the connection between them in that moment felt almost physical. One unlike anything she’d ever experienced before. He played two or three songs before the door to her room opened and one of the nurse’s aides came in to take her vitals and test her oxygen levels. Over the course of the last few days, Beth had gotten to know the nurses, who were wonderful, and the aides, too. Jazmine was one of her favorites.

  Jazmine glanced shyly at Sam as she made a note of Beth’s temperature and blood pressure.

  When she’d finished getting what she needed, she hesitated and then asked, “Would you mind if I cracked the door open? Several patients have asked. We’d all like to hear the music.”

  “I don’t mind.” Beth looked at Sam for approval. Her gaze held his and she smiled, letting him know how much she appreciated his playing. “I’m not the only one you’re soothing,” she whispered.

  Jazmine left and Sam continued to play. As she had the night before, she struggled to remain awake, not wanting to fall asleep when Sam was visiting. Twice her eyes drifted closed, and she forced herself to open them again.

  “Sleep,” he urged. His voice was low and rough, and as odd as it might sound, gentle at the same time.

  After a restless and uncomfortable afternoon being dragged from one test to another, Beth was exhausted. It felt as if she’d run a marathon. Lulled by the music and Sam’s presence, she felt her eyes drooping closed. She wasn’t sure at what point she fell asleep. All she knew was that when she woke, Sunshine was on the other side of her bed.

  “Oh my dear, precious girl.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Beth whispered.

  “Sorry?” Sunshine repeated. “What in the name of heaven do you have to be sorry for?”

  “Your art show.”

  Sunshine made a sweeping gesture with her arm. “Oh, for the love of heaven, there are art shows every other day. Don’t you worry. I was foolish to have left you when I did. If anyone has regrets, it should be me. I hated the thought of you going through this alone.”

  Beth glanced about the room, and then realized it was morning. Sam must have left when she fell asleep. Try as she might, she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer. “Sam stopped by.”

  “Yes, I know.”

  “You know?” The two of them must be communicating.

  Sunshine looked amused. “He was sound asleep in that chair when I arrived.”

  Beth nearly gasped out loud. “He spent the night here…at the hospital?”

  “Apparently. His guitar was propped against the wall and he’d slouched back, legs stretched out in front of him and his arms crossed. On my way to your room I swear I could hear him snoring.”

  “You did not!”

  Sunshine laughed, the sound girlish and irresistible, making Beth want to laugh along with her. She could be in a room with a hundred people speaking at a high volume and be able to pick out her aunt simply by the sound of her laughter.

  Sunshine grew serious then. “I’m going to need to talk to your parents about this latest development, Beth.”

  “No,” she cried, instantly alarmed. This was the last thing Beth wanted. Knowing her parents, especially her mother, this complication was sure to bring them rushing to her side as if she were on her deathbed. Before she could protest further, pleading with Sunshine to reconsider, her aunt raised her hand to stop her.

  “Don’t get your panties in a wad.”

  “What?” Beth cried.

  “You heard me. I’ll handle this. Your mother has already booked a ticket to come visit. I’ll do what I can to reassure her, but it wouldn’t surprise me if she leapt on a plane the minute she hears about this.”

  “Mom’s coming?” The weight of the news fell heavy on Beth. This was the last thing she wanted to hear.

  “I did my best, Sweet Pea, but you know your mom. She’s worried. I wasn’t going to mention it until it got closer to the time, but with this latest development I can’t guarantee that I can keep her away. It was hard enough to convince her to give you a couple weeks before she flew out.”

  If her mother came, then there was a good possibility she’d meet Sam. The mere thought was enough to make Beth go cold inside. That would not go well. She could just imagine what Ellie would have to say about her precious only child associating with a man with long hair, tattoos, and a beard. And associating with Sam was definitely in Beth’s plans. Even now, thinking about him produced an immediate smile. That he’d stayed by her side through the night was above and beyond anything she could expect. Knowing he�
��d done that for her made Beth go all soft inside.

  “Whatever you say, don’t let Mom catch the next plane to Portland.” Beth’s biggest fear was that once her mother met Sam, Ellie would do whatever she could to sabotage the relationship. Beth refused to let that happen.

  “Beth, girl, I can hardly stop her. I’ll do my best to delay her as long as possible, but no way is she going to stay in Chicago when her baby girl is experiencing complications. I’ll do what I can to give you time to regain your strength, but you need to accept that she’s coming.”

  Beth’s shoulders sank with defeat. Her aunt was right. This latest development was all the excuse her mother needed. It was nothing short of a wonder that Ellie hadn’t shown up thus far.

  “Do what you can,” she pleaded. Her one ace was the fact that Sunshine and her mother didn’t get along. They avoided each other whenever possible. Beth knew some disagreement had happened in their youth that had caused this rift, but whatever it was remained a well-kept family secret. When Beth questioned her mother, Ellie refused to discuss it. As a teenager Beth had asked her aunt; Sunshine said it was over something that had happened so long ago she’d completely forgotten about it. Beth didn’t believe her but hadn’t pressed the issue. Whatever happened was clearly a sore spot between the two sisters.

  “Rest now,” Sunshine urged her. “You’re going to need every bit of strength you possess when facing your mother.”

  “You know I’m going to be worried the entire time.” Beth made a show of placing the back of her hand against her forehead. “The undue stress is sure to cause even more stress and complications.”

  Sunshine burst out laughing. “Are you sure you weren’t a drama major?”

  Beth waved her away. “Do what you’ve got to do to convince my mother I’m going to be whole and healthy without her sobbing at my bedside.”

  Grinning, her aunt asked, “You need me to get you anything while I’m out?”

  “Yes,” she cried. “Get me peace of mind by keeping my mother as far away from me for as long as you can.”

  “On it,” Sunshine promised, smiling on her way out the door.

  After Sunshine left, Beth sat up and reached for her phone to text Sam.

  You spent the night?

  She waited several minutes before she got an answer. She giggled when she read his response.

  Not on purpose.

  Her phone rang almost right away. Her smile grew even bigger when she saw it was Sam calling.

  “Morning,” she greeted.

  “Yeah, well, it isn’t exactly a good one. I’ve got a crick in my neck and my eyes burn and my fingers are too big to try to text. I figured I’d call. You feel better today?”

  “I do.” While breathing was much easier, it was the mental aspect that had taken a swing for the better. Seeing Sam, knowing he’d been by her side the entire night, had elevated her spirits into the stratosphere.

  “Good, then it was worth it.”

  “I know you’re tired, so don’t worry about stopping by today,” she said. She made the offer knowing she would sorely miss seeing him.

  “You don’t want me to come?” He sounded more than a little offended.

  “I do…more than anything, but I think it would be better if you went home and got a decent night’s sleep.”

  Her suggestion was met with a short pause. “The thing you don’t realize is that I enjoy spending time with you.”

  Beth closed her eyes in order to soak in his words. “Oh Sam.”

  “Don’t know how it happened. Not even sure it’s a good thing—”

  “It is,” she interrupted him. “It’s a very good thing.”

  “Been warned already.”

  Her immediate fear was that her mother had somehow gotten word that she was seeing Sam, which was ridiculous. It wasn’t like her mother had hired spies to check up on Beth and report back her activities. As for her and Sam, they hadn’t gone out on a single date. Yet in the last few days, they’d spent countless hours together and had even spent the night together, although it was completely innocent.

  “Warned? By who?” she asked.

  “It’s not important.”

  “Who?” Beth insisted.

  “Rocco. He’s afraid I’m leading you on.”

  “Oh.” This was interesting. Beth wondered if Nichole knew about this.

  “Didn’t do much good, though, did it?” he teased.

  “Glad it didn’t.”

  Sam made a noise that sounded like a deep yawn. “I need to get off the phone.”

  “You at work?” she asked.

  “Not yet, but I’m telling you things I normally wouldn’t. Blame it on the fact I had about an hour of sleep the entire night.”

  Beth relaxed against the pillow. “If the lack of sleep is responsible for this conversation, then I’d like to suggest you go without more often.”

  She thought she heard him chuckle, but she couldn’t be sure. One thing she did know: Her smile was so wide her mouth hurt.

  CHAPTER 10

  Sunshine

  Sunshine stood in the hospital hallway outside of Beth’s room with a growing sense of dread. Talking to her sister was never pleasant. Their relationship had been strained for years and had grown even more so since Beth’s move to Portland. She’d spoken to Ellie more in the last three months than she had in the last five years. This rift between them started back in her college days when Sunshine was in art school.

  Immediately Peter came to mind, and with his memory a flash of pain. The sharpness had receded through the years. Thoughts of him no longer crippled her as they once had. Time does that, she reasoned, dulling the razor edges of disappointment and loss.

  As much as Sunshine would like to delay talking to her sister, she couldn’t. Beth was anxious and the added stress wouldn’t help the healing process. She scrolled down her contact list and hit the button. Her heart pounded in her ear as she waited for her sister to pick up. Sunshine would have much preferred to speak with her brother-in-law. Unfortunately, Phillip was sure to have left for the office by now.

  “Yes?” Ellie answered, her voice clipped and short. “What is it this time?”

  Stiffening, Sunshine noticed that her sister avoided saying hello because she had caller ID. It was Ellie’s less than subtle way of letting Sunshine know she didn’t welcome the call. She sighed and repressed the urge to tell Ellie she wasn’t keen to talk to her, either. Not a great way to start what was certain to turn into an unpleasant conversation. Come to think of it, they hadn’t shared a friendly chat in more than thirty years. Sad as that was to admit.

  “Hello, Ellie.” Sunshine did her best to remain calm after the rude greeting.

  “Hello, Louise.”

  Sunshine disliked her given name, which was one reason she’d changed it. She gritted her teeth and waited several seconds until she could speak calmly. “I thought I’d give you an update on Beth.”

  “I hear from my daughter. I don’t need you to act as a go-between.”

  Maybe it would have been best to let her niece handle this. “You’re right, of course.”

  “Nice of you to admit it, Louise.”

  Again she was forced to silently count to ten as her sister pointedly tried to irritate her. “After a small glitch in her recovery, Beth is doing better.” She avoided finishing the sentence, avoided explaining. And technically Beth was doing better than yesterday.

  “I’m coming to check on her myself. Now, why is it necessary for you to disrupt my morning? I have a lot to do before I leave.”

  Sunshine started to respond, but before she could speak, Ellie continued.

  “Just because my daughter chose to move to Portland, you seem to think it’s your duty to fill me in on matters that are none of your concern.”

  “I was only—”

  “Looking to rub it in my face that Beth chose to live close to you.”

  Biting down on her inner cheek, Sunshine forced herself to not retaliate.
“Ellie, please—”

  “My point,” Ellie said, slowly releasing her breath, “is that Beth is my daughter and I don’t need you to update me on her condition.”

  “I agree,” she said, in an effort to keep the peace. “This time, though, Beth asked me to contact you.”

  Her announcement was met with silence.

  “What’s wrong?” The change in Ellie’s attitude was immediate.

  “It’s a small complication.”

  “What kind of complication? Never mind. I’ll cancel my luncheon and catch the next flight out.”

  “Don’t, Ellie. Please. Keep your original flight. Beth is fine and she wants to do this on her own. I’m here as a backup should she need anything. I realize my being close to her upsets you and I’m asking, begging, you, really, to give Beth a chance to spread her wings without either of us standing guard over her. I can appreciate how difficult that is, especially now. Wait, please, give her some breathing room, and when you do arrive, I promise to stay out of your way.”

  Ellie’s breathing evened out, and Sunshine could see that her sister was taking her words to heart. She hesitated, as if weighing her options.

  “I’m in charge of a charity luncheon this week. Perhaps it would be best if I kept my original flight.”

  Again she paused, and Sunshine could almost hear her sister chewing on her bottom lip as she considered her options.

  “You’re sure Beth doesn’t need me to come right away?”

  “Positive.”

  “I don’t know…” Ellie whispered.

  Time to draw her big gun. Phillip. Beth’s father had become his daughter’s greatest ally. “If you don’t trust me, then talk it over with Phillip before you change your flight,” Sunshine suggested.

  “And if I don’t, you’ll call him yourself.”

  “Yes.” Without hesitation.

  “Have it your way, then,” Ellie said stiffly. “I love my daughter and I refuse to let you or my husband keep me away from her.”

  “No one is keeping you away from your daughter. Beth specifically asked that you not come rushing to her side now. Listen to her, Ellie. It’s what she is asking of you. Don’t you care about what Beth wants?” Sunshine asked.