Once Upon a Time: Discovering Our Forever After Story Page 5

  We also see in the Bible that when a profound change happened in someone’s life, they often had a name change to go with it. Abram became Abraham, Simon became Peter, Saul became Paul. It is interesting to see how names evolved. A few months ago, as I was reading in Genesis the story of Abraham’s servant sent to find a wife for Isaac, I was struck by the use of the word servant. The story is told through the servant’s eyes and the important part is his reaction to the miracle. Throughout the account, he is referred to as the servant or the senior servant, but after he prays and asks God for a sign, from that point forward my translation refers to him mostly as “the man.” It’s subtle, but it’s the kind of name change, or descriptive change, that reminds me that prayer changes us. Our connection with God through prayer has a profound effect on us. Interesting.

  In the book Anne of Green Gables, we learn much about the hopes and dreams of the imaginative orphan Anne Shirley when the practical Marilla simply asks Anne for her name.

  “Will you please call me Cordelia?” she said eagerly.

  “Call you Cordelia! Is that your name?”

  “No-o-o, it’s not exactly my name, but I would love to be called Cordelia. It’s such a perfectly elegant name . . .”

  “Unromantic fiddlesticks!” said the unsympathetic Marilla.2

  And a little while later:

  “Do you never imagine things different from what they really are?” asked Anne wide-eyed.

  “No.”

  “Oh!” Anne drew a long breath. “Oh, Miss—Marilla, how much you miss!”

  “I don’t believe in imagining things different from what they really are,” retorted Marilla. “When the Lord puts us in certain circumstances He doesn’t mean for us to imagine them away.”3

  I was like Anne and longed for a different name as a young girl. Most people assume my given name is Debbie, since it’s the only name I ever use, but my mother, always the romantic, actually named me Debrae Lynn. The emphasis was on the last syllable, so to make it easier for folks to pronounce she had changed the spelling to DeBrae by the time I entered school. It doesn’t matter, I’ve always been Debbie. My school already had a number of girls named Debbie, spelled all kinds of ways. I longed to be different. I thought Millicent was a beautiful name. Or Gretchen. In fact, I had an entire list of names. But alas, like Anne, I’m just Debbie, and you know what? I’ve grown rather accustomed to being me.

  In my own family, names have always been important. Besides Jody Rose, I had Jenny Adele, named after Wayne’s mother, Marie Adele. A few years back, Jenny decided she was simply not a Jenny. The name didn’t fit, so she chose to use her middle name, Adele. It’s taken some getting used to and I think she’ll always be Jenny in my heart, but I want to honor her decision and I do try to use Adele.

  A NAME OFFERS INSIGHT INTO A PERSON’S CHARACTER

  People who study names and the impact a name has on an individual point to several important effects of a name. One is perception. A name tells us something about a person. If someone were to name a boy, say, Percival, no one would expect him to become a star in the wrestling world. The same goes for book characters. Louisa May Alcott, the author of Little Women, named her main character Josephine March, but had her go by the name Jo. It’s fitting that she was a tomboy with a name like that. Even the name March—for a father who was a soldier and for Jo, who had drive uncommon in women of her day—was a perfect action name.

  The age-old question that continues to be debated is whether a name influences who we will become or the person naming somehow senses—through genetics or family traits perhaps—who we will become. In other words, is a name a self-fulfilling prophecy or a true prophecy? No one’s been able to answer that.

  There is an obscure story in the Bible about a man named Jabez. At least, it was obscure until Dr. Bruce Wilkinson pulled two verses out of a whole long genealogical string of the descendants of Judah and wrote a little book, The Prayer of Jabez: Breaking Through to the Blessed Life, about being extravagantly blessed, based on the recorded prayer of Jabez. Here are those two verses: “Now Jabez was more honorable than his brothers, and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, ‘Because I bore him in pain.’ And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, ‘Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!’ So God granted him what he requested” (1 Chron. 4:9–10 NKJV).

  It is interesting that Jabez’s name meant “pain.” Doesn’t that seem a cruel thing for a mother to do, to name her child for the pain he gave her? Jabez must have grown up always being aware of the meaning of his name, because when he prayed his bold prayer, he asked God to keep him from evil so that he would not inflict pain. He overcame the meaning of his name. Now, all these years later, his name is associated with abundance and expanding territory.

  The philosopher Maurice Merleau-Ponty wrote, “As has often been said, for the child the thing is not known until it is named, the name is the essence of the thing and resides in it on the same footing as its colour and form.”4

  Some believe a person’s name or a character’s name limits him. Merleau-Ponty also said that when one is named, it’s like saying, “You are this; you are not that.” He gives as an example the name Madeleine—my granddaughter’s name. He points out that she will forever be associated with the teacups and madeleines of Proust, gastronomy, the queue of French schoolgirls from Ludwig Bemelmans’s picture book Madeline, French culture in general, and all connotations that are carried with it.

  It’s an interesting theory, isn’t it?

  THE NAME AS A CHALLENGE

  Remember the Johnny Cash song “A Boy Named Sue”? Originally a poem written by Shel Silverstein, the ballad tells the tale of a young man’s quest for revenge on a father who abandoned him when he was three years old. If that wasn’t bad enough, he stuck his son with the name Sue—a girl’s name. Sue suffers bullying and mockery throughout his childhood, and because of it he grows up tough and mean. His mission in life is to find and kill his father for giving him “that awful name.”

  When he finally catches up with his father, he confronts him: “My name is Sue!” After formally greeting him, Sue announces that his father should prepare to die. They fight until they are both spent. As he finally catches his breath, Sue’s father claims he named the boy as an act of love. Because he knew he would not be there for his son, he said, he gave him the name to make sure that he grew up strong. Learning this, Sue forgives his father. Not that he comes to terms with the name—Sue closes the song with a promise to name his son “Bill or George, anything but Sue!”

  The song is tongue-in-cheek, of course, but it does illustrate that some names offer challenges. It’s like being named after an iconic individual. You wonder what kind of effect that has on the recipient of that name. Did George Washington Carver distinguish himself in part because of the responsibility of his name? How about Martin Luther King Jr.?

  THE MEANING OF A NAME

  Most parents pore over baby-name books the whole time they are anticipating their child’s birth. They work to choose a name that sounds pleasing and has a meaningful connotation. Most of us treasure our name stories. We all know people who were named for places like Virginia, Savannah, or Dallas. Others were named after family members, and still others for treasured objects, like Ruby, Daisy, Sterling, or Brandy. However we came by them, most of us are fascinated by the historic meanings of our names.

  My own first name refers to the bee. Just simply the honeybee. When I think of the legendary diligence of the bee, I’m honored by that meaning. Hard work is important to me. Plus, the Bible has much to say about honey. It denotes richness. It usually refers to fullness of God’s provision, like a land flowing with milk and honey. My maiden name, Adler, means “dweller at the sign of the eagle.” I like that. Isaiah 40:31 is a favorite verse of mine: “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; t
hey will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

  And Macomber? Well, it simply means “son of Tom.” Nothing profound there, but overall, can you see how intriguing it is to delve into the meanings behind your name? Knowing that names have great significance to God, it is worth the time it takes to explore our own names.

  Go beyond the simple meaning in baby-name books. If your parents are alive, ask them what went into choosing your name. Find out about others who share your name. It’s very easy to find out what names were popular when you were born. Were you given the “in” name for your milieu? If you were given an unusual name, did it give you permission to be unique? If you were named after a great personage, that says something about your parents’ hopes and dreams for you. If your name appears in the Bible, what meaning is attached to it?

  Dig deep. It’s all part of your story.

  Storytelling Prompt

  Write about your name—what it means, why it was chosen for you, and how you feel about it. If you were to rename yourself today, what name would you choose? Why?

  Choosing a Life Verse

  Just as coming to understand the meaning of your name and the effect it has had on your life is important, choosing a life verse helps you find a touchstone for your life. If I’ve ever signed a book for you, you’ll notice that under my name I always write “2 Tim. 1:7.” Many years ago I ran across that verse, which says, “For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love and discipline.” This became my life verse—whenever I feel afraid, or doubtful, or unsure of something, I repeat this verse to myself. I have whispered the words so many times they are part of me.

  Search through the Bible to find a verse that has special meaning for you. To get you started in your search, here are a handful of possibilities that have inspired many.

  • Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV): “ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ ”

  • Psalm 34:8 (NIV): “Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.”

  • Isaiah 40:31 (KJV): “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

  • Mark 12:30 (NIV): “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”

  • Romans 8:28 (NLT): “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

  • Romans 8:31 (NLT): “If God is for us, who can ever be against us?”

  • Romans 8:38–39 (NLT): “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

  • Philippians 4:4–6 (NIV): “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

  • Ephesians 3:17–19 (NLT): “Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”

  • Ephesians 3:20–21 (NLT): “Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.”

  • James 1:2–4 (NASB): “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

  Six

  AND IN HIS HEART . . .

  A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

  —LUKE 6:44–46

  Recently I saw a sign that made me laugh. It read, “I dream of a better world where a chicken can cross the road without having their motives questioned.”

  Too funny.

  But that kind of world can never exist for the storyteller. For me as a writer, and for you as the teller of your own stories, understanding the motivations of each character is important. This helps keep their actions and reactions in line with who they are. Let me give you an example.

  In my new book, The Inn at Rose Harbor, Jo Marie buys a local bed-and-breakfast inn. On the surface, it looks like an interesting entrepreneurial move. If the local newspaper came in to do a business piece on her, they might focus on a businesswoman and former bank executive making a gutsy move in a challenging economy. But in order to craft a story, I needed to know Jo Marie’s backstory and understand what she really wanted. She’d inherited her mother’s gift of hospitality, so on the surface, a bed-and-breakfast seems like the perfect place to start over after the death of her husband, Paul. They had been married less than a year, but Jo Marie understands that her life has been changed forever when she receives word that Paul has been killed in Afghanistan. She’s surprised to discover he’s left a large insurance policy, but that’s just like him. All her friends urge her not to make any major changes until at least a year after Paul’s death, but she can’t face the empty life ahead of her.

  When she comes to Cedar Cove to tour the bed-and-breakfast, she decides to buy it the moment she steps inside. Without understanding Jo Marie’s motivation, this kind of reaction would make no sense at all. If she was indeed a gutsy businesswoman, as the newspaper may have written, would she really have made a snap decision about so momentous a move?

  It wouldn’t make sense—except that the reader already knows about Paul’s death and that Jo Marie has not been able to feel settled since she received word of his death. When she steps into the inn, she immediately feels a sense of peace come over her. She knows she has found a sanctuary. That’s why she renames the inn Rose Harbor Inn—rose after Paul Rose and harbor for the place she decides to set her anchor as the storms of life battered her.

  Because the reader knows that more than anything, this young, grieving widow longs for peace and a sense of security, the spur-of-the-moment decision makes all the sense in the world. The fun, of course, comes in when with each guest, that sense of peace is challenged.

  DISCOVERING DIFFERENT STROKES

  In chapter 4 I talked about digging deeper. One of the ways we do that in a story is to explore motivation. In writing, it’s necessary to find out what’s behind every action of the character. And it’s one of the things we do in our own lives that helps us understand those around us. Gary Chapman’s popular book The Five Love Languages explores the underlying motivations or character traits that explain why a person, especially a spouse, communicates love in a certain way. It helps us to understand how an individual may want to receive love. Chapman identifies five different “love languages.” Some people express their love in words. They want to talk about things and they want the person who loves them to do so as well. He calls this language “Words of Affirmation.”

  Another person may express love and wish to receive it in what Chapman calls “Quality Time.” This person values undivided attention—the gift of time spent together.

  Still another love language is
“Receiving Gifts.” We’ve all known those people who delight in buying and giving the perfect gift. They also see the gifts given to them as signs of love.

  Other people express their love in “Acts of Service.” They may never be able to say the words, but they are constantly doing things to show love.

  “Physical Touch” is another one of Chapman’s love languages. The person who speaks this language prefers hugging, kissing, hand holding, or even a warm handshake.

  As we get to know each person’s heart and discover their love language, we set the stage for understanding a number of communication difficulties, as well as being able to identify couples who are “made for each other.” Just think of the conflict that may arise between a couple if one person craves quality time, say, and the other gives acts of service. A husband may be off washing and buffing his wife’s car while she’s sitting home, longing for nothing more than her husband at her side. All the while he’s away doing what he feels is the perfect expression of his love.

  In my life, my love language is Words of Affirmation, while Wayne speaks Quality Time. By knowing this about each other we’ve each come to appreciate the gifts offered by the other in a whole new way.

  WHY DO THEY BEHAVE LIKE THAT?

  With any character, whether a main character or a secondary character, one of the most important things to discover is why they do what they do. What motivates them? When I’m writing a book, if I don’t know the impetus behind the actions of each character, those actions won’t ring true.

  Actions reveal so much about a character. It reminds me of the story of a shoe company that decided to further expand their market. They sent two salesmen to different regions of the Australian outback. After some time, headquarters received a telegram from each salesman. The first said, “No business here—(Stop)—Aborigines don’t wear shoes.” The second read, “Huge opportunity—(Stop)—Aborigines don’t wear shoes.” It is easy to spot the pessimist—the glass-half-empty sort of person—and the optimist in this story. Each acted completely in character.